I am becoming that which I never wanted to be, that which I ridiculed, that which kills the soul. I am a drudge, trapped by my own lassitude, ennui and inability to take control...by my own clutter, both physical and mental.
I move in my own nightmare, as if mired by quicksand and molasses...how then did I come to this pass? I don't want to dwell on that, only on the remedy. This marriage is a farce. My life in three acts...get married, leave good, hardworking man, be on your own for 14 years and instead of doing something with the freedom you've taken for yourself, bemoan the fact that you are alone and unloved. Then marry a loving, affectionate, but unmotivated, lazy man... At least I raised a daughter who loves me and of whom I am very proud. And I got my college degree...it seems for no other purpose than to have something impressive to hang on the wall and the ability to quote odd, useless bits of outdated information.
15 minutes at a time...I shall reclaim my life, my home, and perhaps even my sanity. Yes, I know, I'm a dreamer...
2 comments:
You were never actually alone and unloved. You know that, right??
Look away, internet. Sometimes, when I wake up and I feel like I just can't make it through the day, I sing that goofy song "everything's gonna be all right" in the shower. And somehow, it helps.
Love you mom.
Well, er..yeah..*red face* You were there...and I know you loved me, but you were kinda off in your own little teenage thing, too Love you, too, munch.
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