Well, sports fans...

It's been awhile. So. I'm mostly recovered from surgery. There are a few issues, but nothing worth mentioning or that won't eventually work itself out.

I'm finished with the first part of chemo (adriamycin and cytoxan). Not horrific, but not something I'd care to repeat, either. There are myriad descriptions, etc. out there for you to read, so I'll spare you mine.

The next round is 12 treatments of taxol. Yay. -.-

In the meantime, I've started--first day today--the Whole30 program, aka clean eating. Yes, it's sort of paleo -based and yes, paleo is the stupidest name for an eating regimen ever. If you wanted to really go "paleo" then eat roots, leaves, bugs, nuts, berries, fish, and a lot of baby animals. They were easy to catch and consume without having a storage issue. Even paleoman figured out meat went off. But, they don't push the paleo-ness part. You eat grass-fed, pastured, organic meats, wild-caught fish, eggs, veggies, fruit, and some nuts. You don't eat dairy, legumes, grains, sweeteners of any kind,  or alcohol. I'm going to be careful with the nightshades, too. I already know tomatoes often don't agree with me and I hate eggplant.

I strongly urge anyone who wants to get healthy, clear up your skin, resolve breathing issues, etc, to read the book--and read the "sciency" stuff in the first like 14 chapters.

Hey, any diet that pushes avocados and olives is just all right by me.

Anyway, this is my "commitment" page.

13 August 2014

That previous post was started before I went in hospital to have my surgery. I wasn't sure where I was going with it so I just posted it as I left it.

Even as I was being prepared for surgery I had my doubts about losing both breasts--not much I can do about it now, though--and thought, maybe I can still opt for just the lumpectomy. But I thought about it again and was content (can't say "happy") with my decision.

The surgery ended up taking nearly twice as long as predicted and I don't remember anything about them coming in the pre-op room to get me and start the IV like I have for previous surgeries and procedures.  For some odd reason that bothers me. I guess they must have given me some whopping potent shit to put me out. lol

I still have not had the courage to look in the mirror at the carnage....I've seen a bit and it's still really bruised and swollen around the left side where he took a couple of lymph nodes. I see him tomorrow and I know the drains won't come out yet (curses).

The hysterectomy part was hurting the most at first...particularly if I let all the pain meds wear off; I couldn't really stand up straight. Now it's getting better, but I'll still have to put up with damned bleeding for awhile.

Odd moment...looking down into my t-shirt yesterday and realizing I had no idea I had so many of those stupid little hemangiomas I get under my breasts...

Ch-ch-ch-changes...

I've done away with my paid domain, so if I had any regular followers *cough*, they might not be able to find me. Since I think only my best friend followed me, don't have much to worry about.

It struck me the other night that you don't have to die to become a statistic. I've become a statistic. Middle-aged, overweight, breast cancer, metabolic syndrome (aka borderline type II Diabetes); hysterectomy to finally end issues that nearly killed me before.  The Working Dead. *sighs*

This, right here. explains exactly what I'm feeling..

...and why I decided to have a bilateral, or CPM, mastectomy.

Spot. On.

23 July

Okay, so my gyno called today and wanted my cardiologist to clear me for surgery (I had a bit of an a-fib arrhythmia episode at the end of January). Long story short, his nurse called me back and set that for 4 August. Then later the urogyno office called and said since I've already met my deductible and out-of-pocket limits this year, the hysterectomy would be 100% covered. Yay!

Here's some in-depth vids of the DIEP flap reconstruction. Don't watch if you're squeemish.

Diet revamp:  it's been over two months since I had a soda (can we say jonesing?!?), given up alcohol, sugar, white carbs. coffee for the most part.

On the art side of things.

Recycling, repurposing, and up-cycling are a thing. A thing I like very much. So I bought this pencil case/easel from Jerry's

And it's really cool and holds all my pencils, but the thing is just too large for my desk in my studio.  

One of the things I love to do is make desk organizers from little boxes different products come it. Most of the time I put these in the recycle, but every now and then for some bizarre reason, I start saving the little boxes for eye drops, Band-aids, glucose test strips, toothpaste, face lotion, you name it. Then I glue the top flaps in, or cut them down to size and cut the four corners into new flaps and glue those in; glue the bottoms closed, if necessary, and cover them in either decorative paper, or in this case, maps from an old road atlas.

Then I play around until I get the configuration I want and cut a piece of cardboard for the bottom, cover it, and start gluing the boxes on and together. This is what I made for my colored pencils last week.

Front

Left Side

Top

Back

I decorated it with washi tape and then put a coat of gloss Mod Podge on top. Voila!  The little bottle that looks like a baking ingredient really is. It's ancient pure lemon extract that went completely alcohol on me, so I use it to blend the pencils. The pencils are sorted by color groups that make sense to me, plus blenders. The pencils that have gotten way short are in the front where I can find them. It's compact and portable. If I decide to take my pencils somewhere, I'll just use a zip bag...not like I don't have a million of 'em.

I might actually miss this

The cleavage that shows up when I wear a sports bra... heh.

Things that boggle the imagination

Like, for instance, sitting here blithely contemplating lopping off my frontal appendages. I decided to list the pros and cons of said execution of the girls:

Things I won't miss: bras--hate them with a passion; floppy boobs without a bra--equal scorn; underboob sweat--ick; the pain in my left breast; mammograms.

Things I'll miss: ............

Eventually, I might get a DIEP flap reconstruction, but no more than a scant B cup, if that.

The one thing I will be working on, once I'm cleared is fitness and firming up the gut. I'm one of those oh so lucky people who gains weight in the belly, aka apple-shaped, so at present my waist is larger than anything else. Up until I had my son at 45, even when I gained weight, I still had classic proportions: same on top and bottom, 10 inches smaller in the waist. 

This is my wedding pic. At 37 I'd started putting on some extra pounds, but still had a very definable waistline. Three months later, I'd put on 30 pounds because Silly Man wouldn't eat the way I did, so I started eating the way he did. Boy...was that a mistake. 

So, word to the wise: curb those carbs NOW and if you're moving, don't stop, move more; if you aren't moving, get your ass in gear.

Title this something

No even remotely clever titles today. So, to catch up, have now seen the urogynecologist and the general surgeon. Did I mention in my last post...yes I did, that I have fibroids that have been a constant PITA for 20 or so years now?  Yeah. So. I was given two options for the breast cancer, lumpectomy, radiation, and chemo, or mastectomy and chemo. After a long bit of self discussion, like you do...I decided on the mastectomy and chemo, for a number of reasons. Then I did further research because hormonal type cancers run in my family, I decided to have the bilateral mastectomy at the same time as the da Vinci hysterectomy/

Wow..I won't have any girly bits left at all after this. Silly Man says he doesn't like the idea of his wife becoming a "eunuch," but he likes the idea of his wife dead even less ;)

Sometimes you just have to say....

So, yeah. Went to my gyno back in April. Was telling her about a lump in my right breast that has been going on for several years now. I could still feel it, but the last time I had a mammo, there was nothing there.  So, on 25 April, I went over to the spiffy new breast care center at Seton and got the girls properly squished and mangled. 

 Then I went in to get a uterine biopsy for my fibroid issues (long story short, I have fibroids to the point I can't do any kind of exercise or lifting, except walking) and an ultrasound. Dr S told me then that the breast center needed a diagnostic mammo.  I made the appointment; can't remember what came up now, but I had to cancel it. I think things with Mum's cancer. So, I go in on 2 June for the "closer look."  they see a "suspicious" area. Remember this, folks, "suspicious" is doctor-talk for we know what the shit this is, but until we confirm it, we'll string your hopes out. So on 6 June, I went back for a stereotactic core biopsy (google that, you have fingers, right?)

I remember one I had years ago, and based on where it was, it was not comfortable at all, so for this one, I had my husband take me and I popped a hydrocodone. In the end, I think they clamped a nerve or something, because all I felt was some tugging, not even the burn, burn, burn the radiologist kept warning me about. Afterward, I went home and slept.

On Monday, 9 June, my gyno calls and tells me "we didn't dodge the bullet on this one."

First day of the rest of your life and all that jazz

If you have body image issues or trouble seeing the truth of an issue, you might want to skip this post.

It's a wonder the house didn't kerplode.

Things I FINALLY accomplished on my winter break:

I put the door on my little antique washstand back on, for the first time in over 37 years. The washstand now serves as my altar.

I finished the Dora desk, post to come on that, but see the previous post for a pic.

I finished building my bed. Post to come on that, too.

Bedroom all cleaned, organized, decorated (except for a couple of spaces for which I need art, or something and the closet still needs a bit of work).

Oh my frippin' god...those first three are huge, just huge.

Happy New Year and all that jazz...

Eventually, there will be a real post about this desk, but for now. here's the "after" pic. I absolutely love how it came out. Might not be for everyone's taste, but I love it.