First day of the rest of your life and all that jazz

If you have body image issues or trouble seeing the truth of an issue, you might want to skip this post.



Written 21 April 14

So. Truth or Dare time. I've been having some "girl" issues lately. Yes. At almost 62, my body is still trying to make up its mind whether we've become cronish or not. What triggers it is lifting heavy things.* All that aside, I went to the gyno, right? And of course the obligatory weigh-in.

223

That's right, 223. Let that sink in a moment. TWO HUNDRED TWENTY-Fucking-THREE.

You see this picture right here:

That was 1974 and I weighed about 120-125, maybe...Yes, it's been 40 years and I had a baby at 45, but that's no excuse. And no, I don't think I could --or should-- get back to the weight there, but holy quarts of butterfat, Batman! Really?  I've put on a whole other person since then.

You know, I know people whom I consider to be really overweight, and I'm not fat-hating here, but I seriously do not understand how they cope. There are simply things I cannot do because FAT gets in the way. My feet, ankles, knees all hurt because I'm carrying an extra person around. The fat expands my joints, so I have extra-special problems with them. I feel like a balloon loaded with chicken fat. Things don't fit right...I don't even bother shopping for clothes other than XXXL men's t-shirts and Waldemort elastic waist ol' lady jeans. Don't get me started on "plus" shit. They either expect you to have a waist or be nine feet tall, so if it fits in the belly, the shoulder seams hang six inches off your shoulders and the neckline ...well, let's just say you might want to be an exhibitionist, the necklines are so huge. Plus...the colors ACK! and the Rhinestones ACK!! And nasty prints ACK!!!

One might be tempted to think I get a pass because I'm middle-aged, blah blah blah. Bullshit. No passes. I see lots of ibuprofen in my future.

I also won't fall into the fatgurl blogosphere use of the feel-good euphemism "curvy" to describe myself--having all outside curves doesn't count. :P

This chick is "curvy."

When you cease to have a waistline, you are no longer "curvy." Sorry. 

Now, you might be tempted to call me a fat-hater, and you'd be right, I hate fat. I am not, however, a fat-person hater. I also am not going to judge others for their story, but that doesn't mean I can't judge myself and hate what I've become. It's all due to laziness on my part, quite frankly, if I'd never stopped dancing and working out, I wouldn't be here, because I don't really eat that much, truth be told. Although I do eat the wrong kinds of things.

Time for a visual. Ten pounds of real, human fat, skin attached.  Imagine if you will, ten of these....on me.

What this is all leading to is a plan. Yes, I have a cunning plan! 

*18 JUN 14 - ETA almost any kind of exercise will trigger it. Fibroids. Dammit.