I have a very, very, very good friend, who also happens to be an author. She writes new-agey books on spirituality (that's how we met, in a round-about sort of way), and the Shadow World vampire series. Her blog, Crazy Beautiful, is down there on the right under RSS feeds, if you care to check her out--she's one of the most awesome people I know (and that's saying something, because I know some fairly awesome peeps).
Anyway....on Tuesdays she posts "Tuesday Currents" in which she writes about what she's eating, drinking, doing, watching, listening to, working on, thinking about, etc. Last Tuesday, she wrote about watching videos by Jennibellie, who is a drop-dead gorgeous young lady in Nottingham, England. She's an artist and makes these fabulous journals. I spent night before last, staying up waaaaaay too late, watching all of her tutorials. Why is this important, you ask? Well, it's a long story, and I'm not going into all of it here.
I happen to believe that you're either born with a certain talent or you aren't (Jenny feels differently, and of course she has a point), and the best you can get if you aren't--with lots of hard work and practice--is a sort of pedestrian proficiency....mostly. Even if I got a singing coach and worked until my throat bled (which it probably would), I'd never, ever be able to carry a tune on my own. When I hadn't lost whatever quality in your throat that makes you able to sing at all, I was passable as long as I had a good, strong alto on each side of me. Forget trying to sing alone. Ack. And I've seen people work, and work, and work at drawing and painting, and they just don't have the eye. I do. Jenny does. My granddad did; even my mother did--she stopped drawing decades ago and would probably not be able to oil up that skill any longer--I don't know. My mother-in-law, not too many years before she died, had a stroke and was no longer able to sing. My brother-in-law is a professional, opera-level tenor and a voice coach. He taught her to sing again. He might be able to teach me, but then I'd have to practice every single day to keep it "in tune."
But why? I don't have that talent, even though it's always been one I wished I did have. Why lust after something you'll never have, no matter what, when you can soar with the talents you do have? I can't sing, I can dance, but really am too old to more than dance as a fun way to exercise (yes, I put on the headphones, crank the rock'n'roll, turn out the lights and dance like there's no tomorrow), but I DO have artistic talent.
I doubt that a lot and I shouldn't. I haven't lost the talent, I've let it get so rusty it doesn't move, flow any more. Jennibellie just might have changed all that.
I've been looking for a way to get more art in my life and over the years I've stashed paper, pencils, paint, brushes, pastels, pens, ink...you name it (I could stock a craft and school supply store with my stash, I swear). And now she's introduced me to art journaling. Her journals are individual, tactile works of art. She uses all sorts of things that would otherwise end up in the recycle or the bin. Really, check her videos out, you'll see what I mean (her blog link is down there on the right, too). Well...you know..those journals don't have to be perfect, they don't really have to please anyone but her (and maybe the people she sells some of them to on Etsy), but they're still a real form of expression and something her kids one day will treasure.
On a little bit different tangent, I consider myself to be an intelligent, pretty well-educated person. But I'm not deep. Never have been, don't claim to be. And I wonder sometimes if that particular lack of depth is why I've never been successful at keeping a journal...or is it that I have the wrong expectations? I expect a journal to be all deep and introspective and when the stuff I write falls short of that, I lose confidence in it. But in the end...for whom does one write a journal? For oneself, that's whom. So if I make art journals or smash journals, I make them for me, and if someone else, down the road, enjoys them and gets a little better window on my world, that's cool, too.
Nine-tenths of procrastination is self-doubt, I've come to realize. I'd get a whole lot more done if I'd just have a little faith in myself.
Ta.
4 comments:
>>I’d get a whole lot more done if I’d just have a little faith in myself.
Wouldn't we all? Look at it like this, though: we all have talents, we just don't all have the SAME talents. That doesn't make any one person more or less talented than any other, and there's really no use in comparing one to the other - all that does is make us feel insufficient, and engenders self-doubt, which eventually turns to self-hatred. I'd rather see everyone run with what they DO have, like you say.
Why say, "I can do this, but I can't do that other thing," instead of "Hey guys, look what I can do!"
Easy for the builder of wildebeests from leftover yogurt cups and dandelion tufts to say (she who is a kick-ass artist, carpenter, mechanic, and can sing like a bird and play almost any instrument). :P
Seriously, though...I know a lot of people who think self-esteem is overrated, but those are usually the people who either are afraid to admit they actually have short-comings like the rest of us earthers, or they exude such self-confidence you should be able to absorb some just by walking by. Self-esteem might be overrated, but the lack thereof makes life difficult for a lot of us. And, what I was trying to say is more the opposite...I can't do *that*, but hey...I can do THIS! so screw *that*.
;)
LOL - wildebeests notwithstanding, there are plenty of talents/attributes I wish I had that I don't. :)
Awesome. :)
I could be tempted to say, geez aren't 95 enough? LOL Actually...you are musically inclined, I'm not. I'm dancerly inclined...not sure about you. but all the other things, we pretty much share...if you stop and think about it. :D
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