Planner Envy and other bits of boringness.

PLANNER ENVY.

You know, back in the day, guys used planners. My dad used Day-Timers for YEARS. He called it his brain. Women tended to use desk diaries, but the more women came into the business workforce, you saw Day-Timer offering femmed-up versions and planner purses, etc. I had Day-Timers and planners long before it became the huge THING it is now. Soccer moms, Sunday School teachers, people who think they’re really busy but aren’t, teenagers, have all gotten on the planner bandwagon. There’s been a proliferation of planners like Erin Condren, Plum Paper, Happy, you name it. If you came across this post because of the hashtags, then you probably know all the brands better than I, and all the stickers, pens, tapes, subscriptions, pantookas, and gorbnobbles available.

Nine tenths of which are solely designed to separate you from your money.

With the BOOM in planning popularity, planners are in every shape, form, colour, design, and have gotten really pricey. Plus, Acco Brands now owns most of the well-known names in planners except Erin Condren (not including ones like Leuchtturm1917, etc):  Mead, At-a-Glance, Day-Runner, Calendar Express, Five Star; they’ve even bought up Day-Timer, for fuck’s sake!

Some grand goal-planning for 2019 includes writing more. In my little box mind, I was thinking on the novel, but writing here and in my character blog are also writing, yes? I’ve added “W-writing” to my habit tracker (cue raucous, derisive laughing here). Before you asphyxiate laughing, the habit tracker is not keeping track of daily habits (except taking blood glucose readings), but just a general, keeping track of how often I do things.

Speaking of the tracker, I have:

M—Morning glucose;

P—Post prandial glucose;

BP—Blood Pressure (I don’t have an issue with this, but sometimes when I go to a doctor, it’s slightly elevated, more than likely from just getting out in traffic, etc.);

J—did I work in my Studio Art Journal? https://www.jamieridlerstudios.ca/the-studio-yearbook/ or any other Journal?;

A—Art;

W—Writing;

L—Learn:  my Irish lessons or any kind of research;
E—Exercise or work out, including my PT exercises;

H—House:  work on painting, repair, decluttering, etc.

LV—bLog and/or Video

F—Family projects like the ass-ton of photos from my mother’s place, or her letters, or all the stuff from my grandfather’s effects, boxes of books and chotskies to be sorted, sent to people or donated.

Again, these are not only a reminder to do certain things, but to keep track of just how often.

At this time I think well, I’m not working anymore, why do I even need more than a simple little “old man pocket calendar”?  I swear, you can’t even find the ones I’m talking about anymore, they were about 2”x3” and literally fit into a man’s shirt pocket.

Back to my planner planning. I’ve tried the big Erin Condren and Plum Paper planners (virtually the same, by the way) and I don’t think I actually finished a year in either, even though I used them for several years (I put all my planners from work in the big shred bin when I retired, but I think I finished out several of those all the way). But those are just too big to carry around and too much space goes wasted in them for me. If I just wanted to keep track of appointments, a simple month-at-a-glance would suffice, but there are other things that go in a planner…isn’t that why they’re called p-l-a-n-n-e-r-s?

I’ve tried starting DIY planners before and I think I got rolled up because there were too many future dates for work. 

But….I don’t have to bloody include job-related shit in my planner any longer HAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!

I’ve been watching a couple “bullet journalers” on YT and random others if they pop up and look interesting.

AmandaRachLee https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCk9aeo2A6a1fg3VeRueTn9w

Cindy Guentert-Baldo https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZSl2jCSort1fHUI8oeNOuQ

Everyone has such slick, pretty layouts and lettering. Anything but plain printing or a version of this

ends up looking like a 2^nd grader did them. They have this pretty script lettering, that…yeah.. *eye roll*

https://bit.ly/2rYk7TP like I could do that. Not.

Updated:

I was going to use the Lemome bullet planner (the one I have has been discontinued), but decided to finish out my ‘notebook from hell.’ I got it a couple years ago from Office Depot for about $6, I think. It has graph-ruled paper in it and is roughly A5 size. It has everything in it:  Notes on my novel, notes on my blog character, designs and plans for things like my studio and the reno of my pantry, mind maps, DIY calendar pages, to-do lists, travel plans and lists…you name it. I’ve covered the cover, front, back, and inside with various stickers. I’d do a flip of it on YT, but it would be the most boring flip-through video ever.

There are quite a few (about ¼-inch thick) pages left, so I’d just rather use it for now. When full, it will not be thrown away as it will still be a valuable reference.

 

Front Cover

Back Cover

Notes for the pantry reno

Year forward

395th version of the studio/living room plan

 So a whole lot of what I previously wrote might go by the wayside, just sayin’.

As for updates, I had the ‘dreaded scope’ this past Monday, nothing alarming, but the doc did take three biopsies; keep your fingers crossed.

And I’m finally getting the bunion on the right side done. They’ve been giving me grief for a loooong time. Got the left done probably 15 years ago, maybe a bit more. They did the big one on the inside, the little one on the outside and I had a four-inch steel rod in my second toe to straighten it. This time, just the big one on the inside.

Any Questions?

...letters and a ...what?

So. As per usual, I’ve had all sorts of ideas to write about and have completely forgotten all of them. #stateoflife 

I’ve been wanting to start a YT channel. Well, I have a channel, it’s called “Murf’s Mess,” but there’s only a couple of random things on it. Two things keep delaying me. First, I look like Jabba the Hut’s old maiden auntie on camera (bad enough IRL, but on camera OMG!!! nooooo), second, the husbeast is almost always around and I feel self-conscious about doing a video whilst he’s home. He’s doing his own thing and does most of it away from the house. He’s gotten all into people who travel/live in RVs and their YT channels. He wants nothing more than to buy a high-roof Transit, fit it out for a 6’4” guy and go around the country, seeing the US.

Ugh.

As much as I’d like to see a lot of the US before I cack it, hotels are my preferred accommodations, tyvm.

So, what would be on my YT channel, you ask.  The title should be a clue. There are a kabillion and one videos out there about decluttering, the different methods to do so, people who think they’re hoarders (hahahahaha…even with my extreme clutter, I’m not a hoarder), people touting minimalism as a life-style, etc, etc, etc.

The methods I’m using are konmari from Marie Kondo’s TheLife-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering andOrganizing; Fly Lady; The Gentle Art of SwedishDeath Cleaning (here is one blogger’s recap in a nutshell but you can always find the book on Amazon), and various methods I learned from an online summit where they had 26 different “experts” talking about decluttering, getting healthy, managing finances, decorating, and personal style.  Plus…you know, I’m not exactly without brains….I think….

 

A couple of notes on the methods. Konmari focuses not on what to throw away, but what to keep, what "brings you joy" and what is useful. She has you proceed by categories. For instance you drag out all your clothes and go thru them one at a time, deciding if it brings you joy. If it doesn't, thank it for its service and give it a new life somewhere else. I added the "what is useful," because none of my clothes, for instance, give me joy, but giving them all away might be slightly problematic. I doubt if I will do a category at a time the first or even second pass through things, more like, a table top will be a category. Anyone who knows me, knows flat surfaces are not safe...just. not. safe.

The Fly Lady, Marla Cilly, has some very useful techniques for decluttering, like the 27-fling boogie. I extracted what I needed from her approach and left the rest behind. A lot of the email prompts and verbiage I really don't care for and now it seems more that she's all about selling her calendars, control journal kits, and cleaning tools than she really is about helping people. Your mileage may vary.

 

Reading further will tell you all you need to know about why I'm using the Swedish Death Cleaning thing. 

I can probably film any time, as the husbeast is usually back in his mancave, watching TV or videos. Then on Fridays when I’m off work, I can edit and do voice-overs. I might get in front of the camera just so I can tell the haters to fuck off.

I mean, yo, dudes, I have enough self-loathing for a couple dozen people, I don’t need any assistance, tyvm.

I have 28 years of accumulated crap, and not as if I didn’t have a shit ton before we moved into the house, and I was working on it, getting someplace, then my mum passed away in September.

To get a little perspective on why she was like she was—marginally a hoarder—you have to consider her history. Her dad lost the family farm in Missouri during the Depression, they lost everything, packed up what they had in a 1936 Dodge (I think) pick-up with a cover on the back. Either like a box or a sort of canvas affair…I forget and of course she’s not here to ask.  Then, in the early 70s, Daddy decided to live on a yacht. And all of her stuff was either given to me or put in storage. So then, he changed jobs and they moved to Cleveland…and basically she only had her personal things, papers, writing, knick-knacks, books, etc. They rented their furniture,  In about 1974, they declared bankruptcy, and she lost her cool car (which later in life she couldn’t even remember the make. FYI it was a 1969 Dodge Dart with a 440-4 barrel like this

I drove it a lot during my senior year in HS. 

Then…in 2005, Katrina hit and she lost everything that was on the first floor of her house. Books, artwork, furniture, clothing, and favoured items. Fortunately, all the photos and papers were upstairs. And bags of clothing, which my brother dutifully brought to her…except they were all the stuff she was getting ready to donate. *sigh*

A few folders of her papers were fairly well-organised. But only a few. My daughter and I went thru I don’t know how many little boxes and totes and baskets of bills, years old, paid, AND the envelopes they came in, along with flyers, receipts, years of monthly activity calendars from her senior apartment complex (not that she ever went to any of the activities, “they don’t like me, because I’m different,” well, yeah, Mum you are, but that doesn’t mean they don’t like you, they fuckin’ don’t KNOW you LOL). One plastic tub had those benefits books you get from insurance companies, you know, the ones when you get this year’s you throw out last year’s? Seventeen years of them….

I have been tasked by my uncle to find her genealogy notes and send to him. He’s been diagnosed with colon cancer and he wants to write his memoir, and would like all the info he can get on his family. I had one box of stuff set aside already because his grandson (my cousin’s kid) wanted to work on it and I was going to send it to him; but I know there’s more here and there in her stuff. I was going thru a plastic file box, filled with mostly letters, writing, memorabilia. Just to kind of outline the task, in one folder, about an inch thick, there’s her writing, my grandfather’s writing (often you can’t differentiate), letters, clippings, a greetings card or two….and the instruction manual for a lawnmower.

Right.

Now, to be fair, if I cacked it tomorrow, I would leave no less of a confusing legacy of mish mash crap.

That outlines the quest. My crap and her crap. I’ve been trying to get three rooms mostly decluttered, organised, and decorated so they will be havens while I’m doing the rest of it. The kitchen, my bathroom, and my bedroom. I’m almost there on my room and the bathroom. There’s still quite a bit of painting to do in the kitchen, but I’ve done a LOT of decluttering and have developed the habit of doing the washing up (almost) every night. The counters are clutter free, and it’s so bloody wonderful to wake up to and come home to a clean kitchen. I actually feel like cooking!

The other aim in all of this, besides finally getting everything painted and decluttered, is I’m moving my studio into the dining portion of the great room, and the half of the garage that’s closed in and is now my studio will become storage. When it’s just the two of us, we never eat at the table; if and when we get to the point where we can have anyone over, well, I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. There are several drawbacks to having my studio out in the garage: even though I had an AC vent dropped in, it’s too bloody hot for 6 months out of the year (hellooo, Texas), and too cold for about 2-3 months; there’s very little natural light; spiders love to nest in my fabric and art supplies; I’m too far from the kitchen sink (I wish I had one in the laundry area, but I don’t), and I’ll just have more room in the great room. The big Roughnecks of fabric I have in the actual garage will go in the storage area, along with a lot of other supplies and things I still need to go thru, and the family antique chairs and table my daughter wants. I used them for decades and just don’t want them anymore.

Enough for tonight. Eeeenuff already.

xxx

The Devil in the Detail

I have punished myself for over 20 years...how and why you ask?

Well, the how is simple. I keep my house in an ungodly state of ....disarray? mess? chaos? shittiness?  which keeps me not only mentally unable to do the things I REALLY want to do, but physically keeps me from doing them, too.

Why?

Good fucking question, y'all.

I had this table nearly cleared off...and it is again, and in my defense, I was shifting things around trying to clear the BIGGER mess on my cutting table. *sighs* But this photo captures my world, my mind, the clutter that has become my life. I am not truly a horder...really... No...really! lol   But...I am a clutterbug. I can use all kinds of excuses, my ADHD, depression (erm...we know the clutter actually contributes to the depression, kind of a catch 22 sort of....fing...), because I work and have no patience/energy to deal with it when I get home...or maybe I'm just lazy...

But the root of it is my child mind doesn't think I'm worthy...yeah, it's the ol' lack of self worth rearing its ugly, pathetic, moronic head again.  I wish to kill it...yes...kill it.

I actually have cleared about 18" off the cutting table...woot.  Back for more...

New Adventure

This is the exploration of Gecko Hall (so named because of all the geckos around our house --and in it from time to time).

I'm hoping by putting this up here that I will be inclined to not only post about the progress I make (if any), but actually MAKE progress.

I apologise for the out-of-focus video. This camera is really old and I think it's about to get donated, maybe. I'd do better taking vids on either my Nikon or iPhone.

So without further ado...

Link to the video if this one won't play.

I cracked myself up watching the part about turning the light on in the studio...  what can I say? I'm easily amused.

xxn

http://www.unfuckyourhabitat.com/

www.flylady.net

Merrily , merrily, merrily...

We are once again facing torrential rains in the path of TS Bill. Bill. A tropical storm named Bill. *sigh* What's next year? Bobbie Sue, and then Bubba?  I guess it's better than TS 2015-B.  I for one, love the rain and it's not been that bad for us up on our hill of limestone, but folks lower down are having major issues.

I love the rain. Sunny days are nice once in awhile, and I'm sure I'd get sick of the rain if it did it all the time, but here in Texas, the rains are like a balm. Of course it's either feast or famine here: searing heat and drought for months years on end or deluges of biblical proportion.

A bit of history here--personal history, skip ahead if you desire--concerning the recent health BS. Back in January of 2014 I had a vicious virus of some kind, the sickest I've been in a long time and got severely dehydrated. That dehydration led to atrial fibrillation arrhythmia. Long-assed term for your heart beating like bat wings. Went to the ER and spent many hours on an IV while they pumped fluids and drugs into me, finally my heart "converted" and I was okay. Then comes the cancer diagnosis in June, surgery in August and six months of chemo and I was on sotalol (which is somewhat odd because I have never had high blood pressure in the least, so it's solely for control the heart rhythm). During that time, I had many very small episodes of a-fib, nothing too major. Then, in March, I went four hours again and went to the ER to make sure I wasn't having a stroke. Added another med, Xarelto, which it turns out I'm allergic to, so they changed it to Eliquis (both are blood thinners to keep clots from forming, which they will when the atrium is going bonkers). They decide to do a cardiac ablation and I stopped the sotalol. Since I haven't had too many episodes, we all thought, well, that'll most likely fix everything. But the heart has to heal from being burned, so the rhythm, I was told, might flip out occasionally. I had one several-hour episode and the nurse told be to go back on the sotalol; that fixed it. But then 1:30 AM on Friday it started again. They told me to watch it over the weekend. By Monday, nothing had changed, so they scheduled me for a cardio-version.

Basically, a cardio-version is like using those paddles you see the EMTs use on TV, except that they affix these pads with electrodes to your front and back. The pads cover roughly the same sized area as the paddles, but are thin, foam things. Then they put you out, zap your heart into stopping and restarting, and wake you up. It's now more than 24 hours later and things are still normal. I'm thoroughly cheesed off with the whole mess. I didn't have heart issues and most likely would not have had, had it not been for getting so dehydrated in the first place. Perhaps, though, it was a bomb waiting for a fuse. Who knows?

Now the sun is out and I'm sure it's like a sauna outside...good thing I'm in the AC and have no reason to gad about today. Although later I might go to Fry's and look for a case for my new Touch. Yeah, I drank the Apple Kool-Aid. Truth be told though, I'd love to have a Mac. There are logistical reasons I have Dells, which I won't go into. The Touch is really neat--the only un-neat thing being that if you aren't where there's wi-fi, you have no connectivity, but I can live with that. It's so slim and light it makes my phone seem a heavy clunker.  So far I'm liking iTunes and the interface seems a lot better than my little Sandisk Clip Sport. The main thing I love about the Clip Sport, though is it's tiny size and portability. The Touch is somewhat more difficult to carry around when you're dancing, etc. But a sport case with an arm band should remedy that.

Speaking of music, Billy Boyd's (Beecake) new album, World of Things, came out this week. It has a new mix of  "The Last Goodbye" on it. I listened to the sample on iTunes and have to say I like the original much better. The pacing of the new one seems too fast and I'm not wild about the piano addition. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

© John Lamb 2013

At some point, I need to finish my little micro-series on the Hobbit actors and get the article done, who knows, someone might pick it up. Meanwhile, chapter eight is calling my name...Namoji is going to be pivotal, I have a feeling (picture Jed Brophy as a chaotic neutral sorcerer wizard just trying to make a living).

Until later, lads, cheerio.

Moving on.

Sunday AM..more rain. I love the rain, but not the mud in the back yard. The dog brings most of it in the house with her. Ugh.

I finally got fed up with the bullshit on FB. I knew it was only a matter of time. Too many people posting political stuff that just gets me angry...and yeah, I posted some, too.  I know where my loyalties lie and that's all I need know. So, yeah, I haven't been on FB other than to check to see who's replied to something (like..no one..) in about two weeks. I don't miss it and not one single person has even noticed I'm not there. Heh.  This isn't a pity party, but just to show it's par for the course.

So, moving on from there, I might be here more. I need to write, no matter what it is. I have a project and article in the works and massive research to do for that. I also need to make my silly third post about Hobbit Trivia.

Speaking of The Hobbit, in the course of looking up stuff about each of the actors, I've been trying to watch other projects they've appeared in . If you've been paying attention, you'll know that Mr Hotness...er...Aidan Turner is starring in a new BBC production of Poldark.  First thing I saw him in other than The Hobbit and it convinced me he is actually a rather good actor indeed.

Screen Cap of Poldark starring Aidan Turner

I went on from there to watch him in Being Human. Both shows are done with the BBC's penchant for quality. The costumes in Poldark are perfection. Period fabrics, hand sewing (or at least 95% looks hand-sewn), proper fabrics for different classes, etc. The production values are superb and the Cornish scenery is just lovely. Well done, BBC, well done.

I stopped watching Being Human once Aidan was written out of the show (won't spoil it for you if you haven't seen it), but the three series (seasons) are very good, heart-wrenching, and dramatic; there is a fair bit of humor, too. Russell Tovey and one of Aidan's exes, Lenora Crichlow, costar.

I've been trying to get hold of series 6 & 7 of The Clnic, well, actually I'd like to watch the whole lot of them. He was written out after series 7. I've seen a YouTube compilation of just the scenes he's in, but the show looks like it would be very good. There's a boxed set sort of available on Amazon. However, even though it's coded "0" --any region-- apparently it won't play in the US. Drat it all. He's a bit younger and plays a character who's a DJ in a club by night and a receptionist in a clinic by day. Wowsa, puts a whole new curve on being a receptionist.

The house is, as always, a huge mess, my studio is a wreck and all I feel like doing is playing Mahjong and writing. Go figure. I'm supposed to be washing dishes and making a grocery list (how utterly mundane), but "supposed to" and I have never really been friends.

The novel moves along a bit, seven chapters done and let's see, it's only taken me...7..8... years. *faceplant*

What's in My Bag Wednesday

Yes, this should have gone up two days ago, but I never got off my butt the chance to go take the pictures.  Eventually maybe I'll do this as part of my YouTube channel...maybe.

This bag is quite large, 14.5" x 5" x 12" deep (high?); it was a computer/business bag from Target and came with a padded, zippered case for a laptop, which I've used on occasion. But mainly I use the center zipper section for spirals, my planner, and folders of stuff. It has several Useful Pockets on one side and a leash for keys. It did have a leash for the computer but I cut that off. Sadly, the bottom corners are starting to wear badly :(

So this is the full complement of crap in the bag. Bag is in the background.

And this is the contents of the plastic box on the lower right:

 This the the box that goes with my planner. There are stickers, washi tape on old credit cards, tape runner, gluestick, paperclips, scissors, two rulers, Sharpie, Flair pens, and a Uniball pen.

This is the contents of the zippered bag above the planner box:

Box of drawing pencils, Prismacolor markers, water brush, Windsor & Newton travel watercolors (that I have literally had for something like 33 years), kneaded eraser in a little plastic mint case, pencil sharpener, graphite stick in a Mentos case, two blending stumps, a Fabriano sketch book, and a bit of paper towel.

Above the zippered art case is a little make-up kit. (That's a fair amount of make-up for someone who hasn't worn any in nearly a year).

There are, eh hem, panty liners, eyeshadow, mascara, eyeliner pencil, shadow brush, powder brush, eyebrow brush, band-aids, a large button to clip earrings to, generic Immodium, Sudafed, famotidine, and an allergy/decongestant capsule, acetaminophen, ibuprofen, and various pills in a tiny Altoids tin, nail clippers, 1st aid tape, and antibiotic ointment. 

From upper left, anti-clockwise: address on a pink slip of paper, tissues, zip baggies, prescription antibiotic eye drops, Similasan eye drops, Vaseline lip balm, package of Kleenex, two spoons and a plastic fork, little box of tissues from the hospital, the planner box and art bag, both described above, and my Erin Condren planner.

Next row: Purple flat wallet with credit cards and ID, my ID case and keys for work, my car and house keys, two little bottles of lotion from the hospital, a really cool tin that staples came in, the make-up kit described above. a spiral notebook where I am planning videos and art projects, and a tiny journal for ideas, the blue and green spiral (with hot pink duct tape) that is the repository for all things related to my novel, my Sandisk mp3 player and earbuds, and a glasses case with sunglasses.

Last one: a green pocket folder with info about a medical procedure I'm having next month, a Netflix disk that needs to be mailed (the bottom row described above) and various papers and receipts.

In case you think I'm lying...here's everything back in the bag, sans the little bit of trash (baggie, tissues, and the pink slip of paper) and the eating utensils.

That's it for What's in Your Bag Wednesday. What's in YOUR bag?

Title this something

No even remotely clever titles today. So, to catch up, have now seen the urogynecologist and the general surgeon. Did I mention in my last post...yes I did, that I have fibroids that have been a constant PITA for 20 or so years now?  Yeah. So. I was given two options for the breast cancer, lumpectomy, radiation, and chemo, or mastectomy and chemo. After a long bit of self discussion, like you do...I decided on the mastectomy and chemo, for a number of reasons. Then I did further research because hormonal type cancers run in my family, I decided to have the bilateral mastectomy at the same time as the da Vinci hysterectomy/

Wow..I won't have any girly bits left at all after this. Silly Man says he doesn't like the idea of his wife becoming a "eunuch," but he likes the idea of his wife dead even less ;)

Sometimes you just have to say....

So, yeah. Went to my gyno back in April. Was telling her about a lump in my right breast that has been going on for several years now. I could still feel it, but the last time I had a mammo, there was nothing there.  So, on 25 April, I went over to the spiffy new breast care center at Seton and got the girls properly squished and mangled. 

 Then I went in to get a uterine biopsy for my fibroid issues (long story short, I have fibroids to the point I can't do any kind of exercise or lifting, except walking) and an ultrasound. Dr S told me then that the breast center needed a diagnostic mammo.  I made the appointment; can't remember what came up now, but I had to cancel it. I think things with Mum's cancer. So, I go in on 2 June for the "closer look."  they see a "suspicious" area. Remember this, folks, "suspicious" is doctor-talk for we know what the shit this is, but until we confirm it, we'll string your hopes out. So on 6 June, I went back for a stereotactic core biopsy (google that, you have fingers, right?)

I remember one I had years ago, and based on where it was, it was not comfortable at all, so for this one, I had my husband take me and I popped a hydrocodone. In the end, I think they clamped a nerve or something, because all I felt was some tugging, not even the burn, burn, burn the radiologist kept warning me about. Afterward, I went home and slept.

On Monday, 9 June, my gyno calls and tells me "we didn't dodge the bullet on this one."

Here, take some fukitol and call me in the morning.

I guess this time of year I just naturally get into a nostalgic, oh woe is me state of mind. I love the fall; October is my favorite month, although I couldn't tell you why. But at the same time, it's a very sad time of year, too. Again, I couldn't tell you why. I think part of it is that I always looked forward to school starting, but then once things got underway, once again, I had no friends and hated being there. Part of me is nostalgic for times past--perhaps because I want to do things over, be a different me?--and part of me says, why on earth would you want to do that, you crazy woman?

My son should be enjoying high school, the games, the proms, friends, etc, but instead, he's decided to be an introverted...whatever...and instead of going to high school, he's doing an online school. I suppose, in the longrun, he probably won't care that he's missed out on all of that, after all, I'm comparing it all to my memories, which would be unfair to him, but it's all rather depressing...nonetheless that he's not putting any effort into even the online lessons. With off-the-chart intelligence.

So it is that almost anything will touch off a bout of crying. Reading about a couple whom I've never met, losing their daughter to suicide...tears. When Schoep died, I cried. Partly because the dog died, but partly because I had totally missed the post on Facebook two months prior. 

Which brings us to Facebook. Curse you Mark Zuckerberg. You ass. You're sitting there, amassing billions of dollars and enough info on everyone in the world--information that I'm sure the home department of every country out there has tapped into. FB knows more about you than your mom or spouse does. I'm quite sure people have gotten married through FB, I know for a fact people have broken up through it. I've lost a couple of friends because I found out they're right-wing loonies (not just conservatives, but actual, honest-to-goodness, racist, secessionist loons). And God forbid you should actually be honest out there. People will tell you they want honesty, but they're lying. They want you to smile and nod and ignore anything they do that you might question, disagree with, or that makes you uncomfortable. 

That pretty much sums up my whole life, come to think of it. Smile. Nod. Smile. Repress. Rinse. Repeat. 

So you know, what's good for the goose isn't good for the gander in Internetland. Other people can voice their opinions loudly and be for causes, right or wrong, but as ever, if the rest of us have the temerity to say anything, well...we suck. 

And so it goes.

On writing

I've always considered myself a fairly decent writer. I've always gotten good grades for and compliments on my writing. But lately I question whether I've retained any of that skill. I read certain people's blogs and think, "I can't write like that." "Look at that, it would take me so much effort to produce something even half that good." Of course, I have to step back and remind myself the person in question might very well have slaved over that piece for days and not just pulled it from thin air.

Often I over-think my writing. I'm a perfectionist, and am anal about word-crafting (blog posts not withstanding), so I write, read, edit, read, edit...ad infinitum, and as a result never get much of anywhere anymore. When I was in college, I had deadlines, of course, so only a certain amount of that cycle could take place; my work was probably the better for it. In my fiction, of course, that read-edit cycle (is that the Krebs Cycle of literature, I wonder?) takes place because so much time elapses between work sessions that I have to remember just what the heck I wrote last time. I end up with some interesting continuity errors otherwise.

I'm no particular fan of Stephen King's, horror is not my thing (I've read Eyes of the Dragon and it was fairly good, but has a bit too many references to boogers for my taste); but I've been thinking about this particular post lately. There are a couple of items on the list with which I disagree, more from a personal standpoint than in theory. For instance:

Any word you have to hunt for in a thesaurus is the wrong word. There are no exceptions to this rule.

I see what he's trying to say there, but if you find yourself repeating the same word over and over, sometimes you just want a slightly different way to say it. I don't use a thesaurus to find a fancy way to say it, but to verify that a given word will have the same connotation I think it does. On the other hand, perhaps what he's trying to say is, "If you're repeating that word over and over, perhaps it's not the word that's the problem."  Hmm. 

I am always chilled and astonished by the would-be writers who ask me for advice and admit, quite blithely, that they 'don't have time to read.' this is like a guy starting up Mount Everest saying that he didn't have time to buy any rope or pitons.

I am always a bit baffled by this, too. I suppose the best excuse would be that if you haven't read something in your own genre, one could hardly accuse you of plagiarism if you happen to write pretty much what someone else has already written. Of course, convincing the court of this might be tricky. Reading not only spawns ideas (not ideas to steal, but new scenarios, or different ways of tackling a character or metaphysics in your fictional world, for instance), but also gives you a sense of what good—and bad—writing is. 

This ties in with number 12:

Good description is a learned skill, one of the prime reasons why you cannot succeed unless you read a lot and write a lot. It's not just a question of how-to, you see; it's also a question of how much to. Reading will help you answer how much, and only reams of writing will help you with the how. You can learn only by doing. 

In this I believe he's right. Which brings me back to my original question: have I retained my writing skills? Yes, but it's like my drawing, it will only come out with exercise.

Curse you...why'd you have to do that?

My wonderful, techno-blessed hubby figured out how to get the BBC iPlayer here. Not the craptastic BBC America, which shows only a few things and has US commercials, but the actual BBC iPlayer. We watch all sorts of shows (contrast to one or two American shows I watch--and only one of those on a regular basis, Castle). And the more I watch, the more I want to live in the UK. I want it so badly, it's a physical heartache. And...unless I win the freaking lotto...I know I'll never even visit.

Makes me loathe the unbearable heat of Texas even more. I know this probably isn't the way to look at it, and soon enough I'll make the paradigm shift just like I have with every other dream or fantasy I've had, so it'll fade to the background. Meanwhile, if anyone from the UK reads my site, send me photos, links, anything...tell me how to get from King's Cross to somewhere else, tell me about things in the store and living in a village...I know it sounds utterly insane, but if i can't go, I can sure as heck live vicariously, eh?


English village street, stolen from some random blog.

Ta.

Art, Depth, and Self-Doubt.

I have a very, very, very good friend, who also happens to be an author. She writes new-agey books on spirituality (that's how we met, in a round-about sort of way), and the Shadow World vampire series. Her blog, Crazy Beautiful, is down there on the right under RSS feeds, if you care to check her out--she's one of the most awesome people I know (and that's saying something, because I know some fairly awesome peeps).

Anyway....on Tuesdays she posts "Tuesday Currents" in which she writes about what she's eating, drinking, doing, watching, listening to, working on, thinking about, etc. Last Tuesday, she wrote about watching videos by Jennibellie, who is a drop-dead gorgeous young lady in Nottingham, England. She's an artist and makes these fabulous journals. I spent night before last, staying up waaaaaay too late, watching all of her tutorials. Why is this important, you ask? Well, it's a long story, and I'm not going into all of it here.

Happy New Year and All That Jazz...

2012

Twenty-twelve.

It beleaguers the imagination.

I've been trying to figure out why this particular new year's has been so devastatingly depressing. I mean...for a long time now, new year's has been one of those days I try not to think about. Just another day, new date on the checks, etc., etc. You know, the new year...is. It's just the inexorable march of time. One more year I can't go back and salvage. And I ain't gettin' any younger, either. That's a huge part of it, I know. I'll be 60 this year.

60

SIX-ty.

Shit.

That, in and of itself is enough to make me want to jump off a bridge (if I weren't afraid of heights). Part of the disconnect is that I do not feel 60, hell...I don't feel 40, mentally. Physically, my body is a disaster zone. Physically, I feel like I'm 90 most days. All this BS about 50 is the new 30 and 70 is the new 40, or whatever...those spinners never lived in my body. 60 is the new 90. Bah!

Instead of chronicling what I feel the issues are (which sounds suspiciously like making excuses), I'm going to try to take a page out of the sunshine and lollipop spin and look at ways to make 2012 a better year. I mean, you know...just not sitting around being morose would make it a better year, right?

First up, I'm decluttering the house. It's a gargantuan undertaking, but I'm gettin' 'er done, by gosh. In that vein, I've decluttered Mdme B's space here. My previous theme mirrored the usual state of my desk (might have even been cleaner...but I'll never tell), but I've noticed most of the well-read sites are simpler, with white backgrounds.

Before you get all mushy and think this is a list of resolutions, don't. I don't do resolutions. They set you up for failure. These are things I've already been working on or need to do anyway, new year or not. It just seems like a good time to trot out the list since one of the things I'd like to get in the habit of doing is actually, you know, like...USING my web site--what a novel idea. Which reminds me of another one on the list. Setting up a time to write, every day, same time. I might actually get that novel done before I really am 90.

Dump about 80-90 pounds. Didn't say pounds of what, now did I? (Technically, I've already done this: in decluttering in the last couple of days, I've trashed, recycled, and donated well over 100 pounds of schtuff. HA!) But yeah...part of the feeling 90 thing is this extra couple of bags of mulch I'm carrying around. Hee. In order to clearly demonstrate what carrying weight on your body is like, I use the following analogy: you know those bags of garden dirt, compost, or mulch? Each one weighs 40 pounds. I can barely tote ONE of those around. And I'm carrying at least two on a small, 5'5" frame that wasn't intended to carry more than about 145 pounds at the most. TWO! No wonder my knees are going and my feet hurt so much.  (218 when I last weighed myself at work before the winter break, if you MUST know.)

Another thing I'm going to try for is consistency. Juliet said something about the moon's inconstant orb...but you know, the moon is rather consistent. Each month, she does the same thing, perpetually. I'm not sure I'd want to be quite that predictable--and boring--but one could do far worse than be as consistent as Lady Luna.

Getting back on track being a vegesaur. Several times over the holidays, whether it was just because I was tempted by some yummy-meat thing or because there really wasn't anything else to eat in the house, I've had things to eat which I regretted later.  Regretted either because of guilt or because they upset my system something fierce.  This goes along with actually planning some meals, doing shopping, and cooking! Gah...I have a teenager, for crying out loud, and I rely on my husband to cook most of the meals, but he doesn't make veggies and green things, so no one gets the nutrition they should. *slaps own hand*

One last thought on this is time spent on the computer. It is a very useful tool, when used properly, but I spend too much time on FB and playing games, and not enough time doing creative things with it. Posting projects and the like here will be a part of a renewed effort putting what little time I have left on this earth to good use. Believe it or not, I actually go days without checking FB, I don't twitter, or Google-group...but I still manage to waste an inordinate amount of time on teh intarwebs. I love googling ideas, items, history, pictures, etc. THAT can really eat up time, lemmetellya.

So. I'm off to clean that other catbox, start a back-to-work-and-school washing marathon, finish scanning a kajillion photos for my boss (he's paying me), bake two more loaves of banana bread, wash dishes and continue sorting and culling 20 years of crap that grew in my house  and wonder if clutter is like mold or a fungus...does it spread by spores?

Well, lookit that....

My daddy always used to say “...the road to Hell was paved with good intentions.” I wonder if that extends to those of us with ADD who start out with such good plans to change ourselves, to raise our kids right, keep the house clean, grow veggies, eat veggies, walk the dogs.... Well, you get the idea.

I was looking for notebook paper to once again try and make a monthly menu so I could shop more efficiently and I thought, oh, that binder I have...the one with the white horses on it...I’ve never kept up with the journal I started in it, literally 20+ years ago...there’ll be a ton of unused notebook paper in there. It’ll be a bit old, but still usable, no need to open one of the spare packs I have for the kiddo. Well, yes, there was, is, a ton of notebook paper in it. Also, dividers (labeled “Contract,” “Routines & Lists,” “Journal,” “Menus & Shopping,” “Diet & Workout”, a contract with myself, and a zipper pouch of pens, ruler, and stickies.  “facepalm” Wanna know the date?  19 JUL 09.  Yes, 2009. *eyeroll and another facepalm*

I don’t know whether to be heartened by the fact that apparently nothing’s (or very little) changed in my outlook, or to be very disturbed nothing’s changed in my outlook.

*confused look*

So, here’s the contract I wrote out then (and I REALLY wish WP would preserve Word formatting):

I.  Whereas –

A.  I am tired of being...

1. tired all the time,
2. fat,
3. stiff,
4. in pain,
5. in a disaster zone,
6. financially out of control,

B.  I am disconnected from...

1. family,
2. my body,
3. nature,
4. the Divine,
5. my creativity,

C.  I am Squandering...

1. years,
2. talents,
3. resources,

II.  I recognize I am...

A.  Intelligent,
B.  Talented,
C.  Resourceful,
D.  Determined,
E.  The only one who can change ME

III. Therefore, I resolve...

A. To Rejuvenate by...

1. stretching,
2. following a workout plan,
3. getting the proper amount of rest,
4. making healthy food choices,
5. develop my household routines,
6. create and follow a budget and pay-off plan

B.  To reconnect by...

1. having family meals at the table,
2. include Mother in more things,
3. meditate and pray
4. invite the Divine in through prayer and ritual,
5. set aside time for creating,

C.  [To remind myself]....

1. life is short, spend every moment wisely,
2. things don’t have to be perfect,
3. appreciate and use what I do have and not bemoan what I don’t have,
4. life is a work in progress and will never be finished.

IV.  My priorities are...

A.  To not overload by...

1. trying to do it all at once,
2. losing perspective,
3. expecting immediate results,
4. forgetting the larger picture by getting caught up in the details.

B.  Every night...

1.review the day

a. What did I accomplish?

b.  What was left undone?

• move to the next day –or–
• re-evaluate – do I need to do it

–tomorrow?

–another time?

–does something else need to get done first?

• Does a schedule or routine need to be changed based on a/b?
• [Write in journal, especially things I am thankful for]

2. review and prioritize tomorrow

3.  follow the routine

C.  Remember I am part of the web...

1.  I am central to my, if I don’t care of my needs, no one else will,

2.  [but] I also touch and impact others,

3.  some small thing I do –or don’t do–can resonate billions of light years away, plucking the web and thereby change the Universe,

D. don’t let “C” get [me] down,

E.  don’t be your own worst enemy,

F.  follow thru through [hahahahah]

G.  KISS (keep it simple, silly!)

19 July 2009 then, is the first day of the rest of my life, the day I choose to be reborn. I make this covenant with myself, the Divine within and without as my witness.

I was going to rewrite or type up the contract but I want it to be as is, imperfect, fluid, dynamic, and alterable, like life itself.

Follow through!

//signed//

19 July 2009
-------------------------------------
It would be laughable...it is laughable...but it’s exactly what I would write today.  There’s some reason I found this today, some pivotal moment, I suppose. Trying not to read too terribly much into it, but I’m renewing this and am going to put effort into seeing it through.

But...all my friends are doing it....

At least one of my friends likes to post a "things I like" list every now and then. She'll post different themes of "ten things." I must admit, I'm not nearly so ambitious, but then Dianne's written four books now (three are published, the fourth is being published), and is writing a fifth, she blogs constantly and writes "other fiction" on a regular basis. To be completely honest, when it comes to writing, she is what I wish I were. Ha! I always have been a dreamer.

But, as they say, I digress.

This is just a general, "here are things found on the intarwebs I love plus" list.

1.  I love planners. I never keep them up like I should, but the idea of organizing my life on little lined pages just enthralls me. As I said, I always have been a dreamer.

2. Like Dianne, I love sticky notes; my planners have a plethora of sticky notes in them (which is a problem with digital planners: where the hell do you put the sticky notes??). But I also love paperclips and binder clamps.  Once again, I think it's the whole organizational thing....I picture all my papers and to-dos neatly clippered and clamped with nifty clips and I'll be able to look at a stack and presto! I'm saved.

3.  I love  boxes. Of any kind.  Boxes.  And more boxes. And even MORE boxes. See above. My family believes I secretly know if I get enough boxes, my problems will all be solved. Heh...yeah...I'll get back with you on tht. (OMG....that search sets my heart to fluttering...BOXES!!) Oh...and these, too.

4. Let's face it, I love office/school/art supplies. Period. Different colored pens, markers, sticky notes, notebooks, paper, blank books, rulers, sketch pads, pastels, brushes, you name it. *sighs*

5. I love this room.

6. I love these bookshelves.

7. I love my new washer and dryer. After all the hassle of getting the washer to work and a part replaced, they work great. (Maytag Centennial series).

8. I love my boss. Not that way. He rocks. He might be a colonel, but he checked his ego at the door. He's still intense, demanding, and a control freak, but once you understand that he's all about the mission, you get it. There are still days when I could cheerfully boot him in his flightsuited arse, but then I can also TELL him when he annoys me. The other colonels I've worked for? Oh, hell no. He's PCSing this summer and I'm gonna miss him.

9. I love April and October. which just happen to be my and my son's birth month (April) and my mother's and three of my best friends' birth months and my anniversary month (October).

10. Kismet.  Via Facebook I just found this. I love it. What amazing advice from such a youngster ;).

Now, if you're paying attention (and actually have taken a look at Dianne's lists), you'll notice a big difference. She actually writes about each item, discusses it, tells you why she likes it, irrationally or not. I suppose that's telling. It tells me why she's a writer and I'm not.  But it also tells me I can't always tell you why I like something. Or, conversely, why I hate something. (Although I can easily tell you why I hate some of the ignorant stupidity surfacing these days. [Again, I digress.])

Pain, Crabs, and Assorted Crap (from my Live Journal)

lj-music: Shuuush of the dryer

My hands have been killing me lately…sometimes making me yelp in the middle of conversations…just deep aching, in the big thumb muscle, the joints and the bones between the joints.  And the left hand is numb on top of it all.  I have so much to do and no one else to do it. And before you ask, no it’s not carpal tunnel. It’s arthritis and the numbness is due to thoracic outlet syndrome. I’ve had arthroscopy on both shoulders and I don’t get the numbness in the right side nearly as bad as in the left. But the pain…in the hands and shoulders, and the grip weakness…oh.my.goddess.  Anyway…not sure there’s much I can do about it.  My take home pay is going down because UT’s not giving raises* but our insurance premiums are going up. At the same time the deductibles and out of pocket cap are going up…so I’m paying out the fucking wazoo for insurance I can’t use.  Nice.  Goddamned Republicans.  GOP=Grand Obstructionist Party.

Several years ago, one of the NCOs at work had gotten her son a pair of hermit crabs.

He wouldn’t take care of them, so she gave them to me.  The poor things were in the little clear plastic Kritter Keeper they came in, with an inch of *growls* aquarium gravel, and she was giving them TAP water.  GAH!  So I did a bunch of research and spent about a 100 bucks getting a crabitat set up. Little guys were most appreciative and showed me by almost immediately moulting. The bigger one moulted several times and then went down and didn’t come up.  Spikey had “disrobed” over the tank heater and dried out.  So he’s buried with Caldwell, the Betta Fish, under the Texas Mountain Laurel in the front yard.  So…that left Tiny, who is now way bigger than the larger one was when we got them (he was itty bitty at first, hence the name).

I’ve been keeping Tiny in a Kritter Keeper, with the proper bedding, water, and a sheet of cling wrap to hold in the humidity, so he’s doing okay. But hermies are social critters.  He needs friends.  So I’m going to get one or two more crabs and set the terrarium back up. Scorpionis (Thank you!!) gave me another 10-gallon tank. I have this little wooden typing table—so very, very ubiquitous at UT. I think the furniture shop must’ve made a kabillion of them over the years. I took it and peeled the fake wood Formica off the top and painted it. It’s kind of a pale yellowish now, but I think some nice dark green or blue will be a better color for a crabitat. One tank on top and one underneath, then get some of this…

…which is 4” in diameter (it’ll take the crabbies a long time to get too big to get through it)

and connect them…like this

And see if hermies like crabitrails…hee hee hee

I started this post on Friday and now can’t remember what the “associated crap” was.  *facepalm*

*We are getting a one-time 2% payment, not a raise.  It’ll be in time for Yule and for me, after taxes, etc. will be about $450…better than a sharp stick in the eye, and just in time for presents, but geeze…really?

The Daily Bull 8/15/10

Was supposed to Had told bossman I would go in and finish the library this weekend. Just don't have the energy, thank you very much. My house, never in the best shape to begin with, has REALLY been suffering from my lack of energy and being in such pain when I get home (damned move). Now that things are settling down a bit a work, I might be able to muster up enough steam to get my kitchen back in order. It's amazing how quickly R & W can mess it up.  You know...if they paid for that talent...

In other news, R has been commenting a lot on some website about smart phones or something. First he won a mouse, then a keyboard, then a $100 GC from Amazon, then another one... Then this past week, they emailed him and invited him to take part in some conference or other in Bellvue, WA. All expense-paid weekend AND he comes home with a prototype Win 7 phone. How fleeping cool is that? Finally, his writing starts to pay off! *gigglesnort* ETA: and then he won another $100 GC after all that!

Figured out how much money I had left. If I don't pay one bill (a certain credit card that's now really past due) I can get us by with cheap bread, bologna, beans, tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches...with the odd potato something thrown in. Going in to start a pot of beans in a minute and will make some kind of bread to supplement.

It's just so bloody hot out. The A/C struggles to keep up and if you go outside, your core heats up and it takes forever to cool off. I hate the heat; why am I in Texas? Why?

Half an hour..then I can go turn on the sprinkler in my front yard.

Classic scene this AM...letting Abby out...she dashes in her run, bounding six feet in the air, chasing the birds out of her territory. LMAO. They love the seeds in the overgrown wild sunflower jungle out there. I cut one down...with a tree saw! it was easily ten feet or more (I couldn't tell because it had fallen over) and the stalk was almost as big around as my chubby wrist. I think I will pull them up next year and plant more sedate hybrids in a controlled area. Geesh.