Well, lookit that....

My daddy always used to say “...the road to Hell was paved with good intentions.” I wonder if that extends to those of us with ADD who start out with such good plans to change ourselves, to raise our kids right, keep the house clean, grow veggies, eat veggies, walk the dogs.... Well, you get the idea.

I was looking for notebook paper to once again try and make a monthly menu so I could shop more efficiently and I thought, oh, that binder I have...the one with the white horses on it...I’ve never kept up with the journal I started in it, literally 20+ years ago...there’ll be a ton of unused notebook paper in there. It’ll be a bit old, but still usable, no need to open one of the spare packs I have for the kiddo. Well, yes, there was, is, a ton of notebook paper in it. Also, dividers (labeled “Contract,” “Routines & Lists,” “Journal,” “Menus & Shopping,” “Diet & Workout”, a contract with myself, and a zipper pouch of pens, ruler, and stickies.  “facepalm” Wanna know the date?  19 JUL 09.  Yes, 2009. *eyeroll and another facepalm*

I don’t know whether to be heartened by the fact that apparently nothing’s (or very little) changed in my outlook, or to be very disturbed nothing’s changed in my outlook.

*confused look*

So, here’s the contract I wrote out then (and I REALLY wish WP would preserve Word formatting):

I.  Whereas –

A.  I am tired of being...

1. tired all the time,
2. fat,
3. stiff,
4. in pain,
5. in a disaster zone,
6. financially out of control,

B.  I am disconnected from...

1. family,
2. my body,
3. nature,
4. the Divine,
5. my creativity,

C.  I am Squandering...

1. years,
2. talents,
3. resources,

II.  I recognize I am...

A.  Intelligent,
B.  Talented,
C.  Resourceful,
D.  Determined,
E.  The only one who can change ME

III. Therefore, I resolve...

A. To Rejuvenate by...

1. stretching,
2. following a workout plan,
3. getting the proper amount of rest,
4. making healthy food choices,
5. develop my household routines,
6. create and follow a budget and pay-off plan

B.  To reconnect by...

1. having family meals at the table,
2. include Mother in more things,
3. meditate and pray
4. invite the Divine in through prayer and ritual,
5. set aside time for creating,

C.  [To remind myself]....

1. life is short, spend every moment wisely,
2. things don’t have to be perfect,
3. appreciate and use what I do have and not bemoan what I don’t have,
4. life is a work in progress and will never be finished.

IV.  My priorities are...

A.  To not overload by...

1. trying to do it all at once,
2. losing perspective,
3. expecting immediate results,
4. forgetting the larger picture by getting caught up in the details.

B.  Every night...

1.review the day

a. What did I accomplish?

b.  What was left undone?

• move to the next day –or–
• re-evaluate – do I need to do it

–tomorrow?

–another time?

–does something else need to get done first?

• Does a schedule or routine need to be changed based on a/b?
• [Write in journal, especially things I am thankful for]

2. review and prioritize tomorrow

3.  follow the routine

C.  Remember I am part of the web...

1.  I am central to my, if I don’t care of my needs, no one else will,

2.  [but] I also touch and impact others,

3.  some small thing I do –or don’t do–can resonate billions of light years away, plucking the web and thereby change the Universe,

D. don’t let “C” get [me] down,

E.  don’t be your own worst enemy,

F.  follow thru through [hahahahah]

G.  KISS (keep it simple, silly!)

19 July 2009 then, is the first day of the rest of my life, the day I choose to be reborn. I make this covenant with myself, the Divine within and without as my witness.

I was going to rewrite or type up the contract but I want it to be as is, imperfect, fluid, dynamic, and alterable, like life itself.

Follow through!

//signed//

19 July 2009
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It would be laughable...it is laughable...but it’s exactly what I would write today.  There’s some reason I found this today, some pivotal moment, I suppose. Trying not to read too terribly much into it, but I’m renewing this and am going to put effort into seeing it through.