Unsure

Does the title refer to unsureness about the title or about what I'm to write, or my life...or what I'm having for dinner?

Yes.

So far, my insignificant little blog hath not drawn the attention of Fundies, Bushites, and like radicals. (Here I must pause to knock on wood.) There is some happiness in being unknown.

Dammit, I had a dozen thoughts before I sat down and suddenly I'm hit by a huge yawning fit and cannot remember…I have this bizarre little theory about those sudden lapses in memory. Perhaps we have just morphed into an alternate plane and whatever chemicals formed that memory are altered, or maybe a past life progression eclipses the current one or, it's just because I'm in much deeper denial about menopause than I care to admit.

Damn. I cannot seem to stop yawning! I’ve dropped Diet Cokes pretty much cold turkey, along with the afternoon bit of chocolate. The chocolate, in very small doses, I plan to add back, but the Diet Coke, aka “Evil in a Can,” will stay gone. Talking about it has started the jonesing….*sighs*

One of the thoughts I had came back to me just now. I’m always considered myself a writer, and I suppose, at one time I was a rather good one. But like any skill, talent, art, you must use it, or lose it. I read some of my favorite blogs, LL’s, Jane’s, and Sylvan’s, and realize I’m no longer capable of turning a phrase like I used to be. My histories and stories for PWs (persistent worlds, for any of you who are not gamers) get rave reviews, but the mundane, expository thing has atrophied. It’s getting easier to pour it out now that I’ve started blogging, but at times I reread it and think, who IS this sophomoric woman?

There might be a break in thought here, I have to save this to my jump drive and make the jump to hyperspace to get home (gods, I wish I could!).

Okay, some time later, we return to the scene of the crime….

One of the things I was thinking about is this, the diary of some woman going from her dyed hair to grey. Good gods, I thought I was being too egocentric when I tossed the idea around for 20 minutes and then asked a couple of people what they thought. I went to my stylist that Saturday and said…cut it off, take it back to the color line—it was grown out a little over an inch at the time. Over the weekend badaboom! I went from the look at the top of the page, to a chubby Jamie Lee Curtis look. No looking back, no agonizing, no…oh, gee, let’s do it so no one will notice shit. It’s hair, you don’t like it, you change it. And here I thought I was being vain. HA! I love validation. In the end she looks gorgeous, but 13 months!! Oh, hell no.

traffic

I realize, on one level, I should just stop taking things to heart so much and letting them annoy me, you people will be people and all that shit, but honestly...there are days when I wonder why the forces (read: God, Deity, Divine, Mr Magoo's erector set...) that created us wasted a brain on some folks. There’s the woman yesterday at a John McCain rally in South Carolina who was yaa-yaaing about the Democrats cutting funding for the Iraq war. “…and my nephew is in the Marines and he just deployed…and what, now they won’t get paid…?” GAH!! The urge to reach out a touch someone, with the broad side of a cricket bat. Of course they will get paid, you ignorant twat. They’re on the payroll, whether they are here, in Iraq, or Kalamazoo. Then, at a question and answer session for Democratic candidates out in Nevada with George Stephanopoulos, he said Ne-vah-da and they all jumped on him and said, it’s Nevaaada…GAH!! I don’t care what the ignorant yay-hoos think, it’s the feminine Spanish “covered in snow” and is therefore ne-VAH-da…so if someone wants to say it that way, let them. It’s like the putzes here who say San juh-sin-tuh and if you say it properly, San ha-SEEN-toh, they have no clue what you are saying. Salado has become suh-LAY-doh and prah-leen, pray-leen. *sighs*

Arseholes.

You already got my rant yesterday about the idjit doctor in Bakersfield. I think I’m perhaps less angry at him, as one whackjob, than I am at the AMA for not enforcing the Hippocratic oath as a whole.

Then there’s the people who expect Hillary to apologize for voting for authorizing the Iraqi Blunder. Folks…just how stupid is this? Why the hell should she have to apologize? Apologizing would mean that you KNEW it was wrong at the time and did it anyway. All these bozos voted for the measure, based on the information they were given at the time (which we now know was patently false and trumped up by the fucktard administration). She shouldn’t have to apologize, none of them should, unless they were in on the planning meetings for the dissemination of misinformation that took place.

It’s odd, that so many times throughout history, people have declared that society was falling apart, the youth are horrible, etc., and somehow, we always managed to keep going. However, lately, I’m beginning to believe it’s finally gotten to that point and because we’ve cried wolf so many times before, no one’s paying attention. We’re vastly over-populating this tiny planet, using up resources and polluting the water and air at a rate that’s beyond alarming…building on valuable farmland, producing more kids and more kids…that will think it’s their right to have the “American Dream” and build yet more single-family dwellings.

And don’t even get me started on these “quiver full” idiots…”ruining women’s bodies so that men can show how virile they are” should be their slogan. You know, if they kept their own views on birth control to themselves, I wouldn’t mind quite so much, as it is the women’s right to be cows if they so choose, but the Christian right would have ALL of us conform to their idiocy. I will say it one more time:

My.body.is.none.of.your.fucking.business.

Period, end of discussion.

And I have never looked at either of my children as burdens, thank you, even though I only had two. I can only handle one kid at a time. If I’d had more, I would have probably ended up like the poor Yates woman.

I believe there are actually a few people calling themselves Christians out there who are good people, who actually follow what Jesus taught, but the overwhelming majority of them are unbridled hypocrites. This does not surprise me in the least. Recently I had a discussion with the young woman who is our IT tech, I’ll call her Robin. I was engaging in one of my favorite pastimes, bushbashing (okay, so maybe I shouldn’t have been, but, it’s me…get over it) and she speaks up and says she doesn’t question those put in authority, our leaders, etc. That “God Almighty” (I swear she actually said that) put them there for a reason and it’s not our place to question them (although she did say she didn’t like Billy…truly a case of “whose ox..yada yada”). I resisted the temptation to roll my eyes at her and went on bushbashing. Later I really wanted to ask her, so…you’re an Hispanic from the Valley, right? So you’re most likely Catholic…you believe priests and cardinals and the like were put in their positions by God, yes? (At which point, the observant person would see the train coming.)

So you’d just let them rape you, molest you, get you pregnant, etc and not question it? Answer would probably be…well, uh…no…but…stammer…stammer and then some patent “they were not being good Christians, etc. (Or worse, I was being punished for some reason.)

So, Miss Robin, what if the purpose of putting those priests there was to help root out the evil in the church, by making everyone stand up and do something about it. (And please, those of you who believe that rape victims deserve it because they’ve been immodest or sinful…just get your heads out of your asses so you don’t trip as you leave) and further that possibly God put criminals like Bush, Cheney, and Rove in charge to make us wake up and take charge and stop being sheep?

wigglies

If you can wade thru the first several paragraphs of wallowy self-crappatizing, I think I say something at the end.

I seem to never be in the mood to write when I have the time to write--or, more properly, when I'm not doing something else that requires my attention, like work...or driving. Being ADD can really sap your momentum in writing...all those thoughts, whirling around...like the keys in that scene from the first Harry Potter movie....at least I guess I should be glad these winged keys (as in the openers of further thought and perhaps writage) don't attack.

Or do they? Thoughts can be wonderful things, open doors, find hidden meanings, rectify situations, calm the wretched soul and all that jazz. But they can also wound, even if they never leave your mind and make the wavy trip across time and space to someone else's mind. I suppose there are those people out there whose thoughts are always cheerful, positive, and uplifting, constantly telling themselves they are loved, worthwhile and great coffee makers. The rest of us have to work ourselves up to saying, hey..give yourself a bushin’ break here. (In an effort to clean up my language, I’ve decided to use less objectionable curse words…bush is a four-letter word in my house…however, upon further consideration, I believe fuck is less objectionable.)

Whether it’s worrying about things that might happen…could happen…omg, will happen if I don’t do X, or because I’ve done X…or there’s this odd mole, or…fuck, I’m rambling. Having the kid chatter in my ear while I’m trying to write doesn’t help at all. I’m distracted enough all on my own, thank you. I know a lot of my blog has to do with not be able to measure up to what I think my blog should be (did I say something about negative thoughts?), but it’s aggravating…in my mind, on the way home, I compose all sorts of poignant, hysterically funny, and/or interesting entries. When I finally sit down at the computer ZOTZ!! Gone. And no, do not suggest a tape recorder. a) I never know what to say into those things and b) I cannot STAND my voice.

Most of the time I think I’m not introspective enough, I don’t look in and examine things and work them out, then other times, I feel I live all my life within my own mind (and who knows, perhaps we do). But I suppose there’s a difference between living in the nevernever land of your mind and actually examining what’s there, analysing it and processing the information to better ourselves. But lately I feel like I’m treading water, there is no life, no purpose…are we truly just workerbees, turning out more workerbees, from whose ranks a few leaderbees emerge…and why am I wallowing in self-indulgent, pseudo-speak? Ramble ramble ramble.

Perhaps I burn out all my good stuff fantasizing about what I would say to so-n-so, if only I had them here. Here’s the one that had me going yesterday:

http://www.kget.com/news/local/story.aspx?content_id=f290458b-dd7d-4a20-ac99-525e48365b08

Okay, so there’s the Hippocratic oath right out the window, along with “..suffer the little children..,” not to mention the whole Mary Magdalene lesson is totally lost on this guy. I’m hoping he comes down with some fatal tumor… and the only person who can save his judgmental ass is the world’s most gifted surgeon, who’s totally decked out in tats and piercings. Dr. Merrill, meet Karma…Karma be a bitch, yo.

I’m sorry, but this guy should be immediately barred from practicing. No, it is not your right as a doctor—you are NOT fucking like a restaurant, you hypocritical bastard—to refuse care because your uptight ass can’t deal with a few tats and pieces of metal. I’m not wild about overly tattooedness, either (and yes, I do have one myself), and piercing anything but ears and navels just grosses me out….but I would not turn anyone away because of it.

There are a few losers out there who think this behavior is acceptable, that it’s his “right” to refuse “service.” Gah!!!! People, medical care is not “service.” Oil changes are “service.” And, while I’m blatantly not a Christian, I know there are actually a lot of good ones out there still and this kind of crap really hurts them. I don’t ever presume to speak for the Divine, but I sure hope Jesus and his Daddy have something special planned for this guy’s going away party.

shoot me

So... You didn't *really* expect me to keep up with this, did you? It's me!

I'm not thinking too straight today, I have some rather painful thing going on with the left side of my jaw. I don't know if it's TMJ or some sort of deeper, tooth-related thing. I will admit, I haven't been utterly religious about flossing...

Tonto is in the shop again. Several weeks ago it was the radiator, this time it's the water pump. I think I could put a sizable down payment on a new car for what I've spent on Tonto this past 12 months. But I couldn't afford the payment, so....

Yes, it's one of those entries....lots of these ....... Sue me.

I'm beginning to think my life is one big ellipse. I can't remember what happened when, so.... an ellipse fills the duhhhh space. I don't know how I'm going to do X, so another ........ I don't know how things relate, end, or even how the human mind comes to operate the way it does...you guessed it, another ............................

Wha'??

Okay, why is it, that the VA allows the symbol of this upstart little religion (which, by the way has some of the same tenets as Wicca) Konko-Kyo, on headstones, but not the Wiccan pentagram. What THE hey??

There are some religions on the VA site that, I'm sorry, I never fucking heard of....and, quite frankly seem a bit...contrived. Here...Meet David Koresh, you can have his symbol on your headstone when your country sends you off to die in an illegal war, but you can't have the symbol of one of the, collectively-speaking, oldest religions on earth.

The way I look at it is if more than 50 military members are card-carryin' members of a religion, then they should recognize it and allow the symbol...after all..who the fuck's grave is it anyway??

One of the symbols you can have is not even a religion...it's for a building...yes, a building. Granted, it's part of the Shinto faith, but it's still a building.

The VA needs to get its collective heads out of its collective ass.

books and their covers

How many times have we been told not to judge a book by its cover? No matter how long we live, we don't seem to get the message.

I work with a major whom I have dubbed Major Annoying. And for good reason. Dealing with him is often like trying to herd cats. He's presumptuous, needy and a slacker. I'd accused him (out of earshot) of being a suck-up to a retired 3-star who had commissioned through our detachment.

Well, here's where I got my come-uppance. He's known the 3-star since the Oklahoma City bombing, where the major, then a captain, was in charge of the USAF detail that went in and dug people out...the only live person they got out was a 19 YO, black female...whose leg they had to chop off in order to get her out. He's paid his dues. No more Major Annoying.