I keep starting these grandiose posts and never finishing them. I think I have more success when I just write.
Writing. Writing is a problem for me at the moment. I can't seem to do it. I have friends who say they love my writing, and that's all well and good, but they're talking about writing that's now years old. I had a blog for a fictional character and for a while it was witty and poignant, filled with stark realities and some "creative licence." I have a novel that's about one-fourth to one-third written. Again, friends who have read it say it's very good and offered some suggestions. Stalled. I simply cannot muster up the interest to write let alone the words. They aren't there. As a corollary, I can't get into reading a book either.
This, of course, has happened to me before, periods--years--of time when I didn't work on the novel or read. And, if I'm honest, it happens with a lot of my interests. Sewing, painting, working on my house.* On the one hand, these gaps in creativity tend to parallel periods of extreme depression.
I'm not going to dwell on the depression, lots of people have it, to one degree or another. I've had it all my life. True it's exacerbated by events. for instance, my beloved dog, Abby, had to be put down this past August and I feel it's had a profound effect on my resident depression. The only joy I find is working in my garden, my friends, and my cats.
Abby
One of my cats has kidney disease (he's either 17 or 15, depending on whom you believe about his age when adopted. He's very special to me, my buddy, and knowing he's ill and rather old is, I'm sure, also having an effect on my state of mind.
The state of affairs in the world, particularly the US, is hugely worrying. The bright spot has been electing a Democratic president and gaining majorities in the House and Senate (only by a whisker in the Senate, and then only because the VP is a Democrat).
Ben, in healthier days
This COVID thing has not helped at all. Just the weirdness of it all, masking, mass vaccinations (except RWNJs), lock-downs, empty streets, is enough to jar the senses. And, speaking of those RWNJs, it's become apparent they are the problem in getting past the pandemic: refusing to be vaccinated. Selfish, idiotic, and mean-spirited, but what else is new when it comes to the "right"? Pretty much sums them up in a nutshell.
But, back to the inability to write. I can hear you say, but, Dances, you ARE writing, right now. Yes, that's true, but it's not my fiction, it's fact. Fact I seem to have no issue with. Has the current state of affairs (all-inclusive) become such a curb to my creativity? Or was it never there to begin with? A mere flash in the pan?
One thing I do know is I need to spend far less time online, less time watching YouTube. I've already cut 98% of Facebook out. I only go there to post things I'm getting rid of on my neighbourhood "Buy Nothing" page and to see what some of my friends are up to, since they all seem to use FB just as much as ever, my brother, his girlfriend included, and my pastor included. I used to check Instagram two-three times a day, now I go days without looking and don't even check everything at that.(I seriously need to go in and pare my follows down so I will see only the posts I really want to).
Another thing that I think has impacted my writing is RPing that fictional character and his friends on Twitter DMs. The person I RP with is one of my best friends and I absolutely adore her, but somehow the energy to write seems to be exhausted in RPing, if that makes any sense. I don't want to stop though, as it's quite fun.
I keep getting flashes of ideas by watching certain shows on YT, the Agatha Christie shows on BritTV and "Time Team." I really should stop and make notes as those ideas come to me; they might just spark something in the novel.
As for reading, I think a large part of it is that I don't have a comfortable place to sit and read since I basically turned my study into a storage room. It all started with getting the bathtub replaced and replumbed. A process that's now been going on for close to seven months. That's a whole other story in and of itself. **sighs**
Anyhoodles, enough kvetching, time to do something, anything, even if it's wrong.
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* I don't put much store in astrology, but sometimes, certain things are spot on. Last year I went on this site and created a natal chart for myself, more out of curiosity than anything. Apparently my moon is in Gemini. This is what it said, the parts that are very true for me I've put in bold italics:
Lunar Geminis are usually pleasant, witty, and charming people. At home and with family, however, they can be moody and irritable [not sure about any of that, but read on]. People with Moon in Gemini are always interesting people--they have a finger in every pie, are curious to a fault [!!], and are generally well-informed. Nervousness and worry are common traits with this lunar position. An underlying restlessness is common, and many Lunar Geminis need more stimulation than others. They usually read a lot, talk a lot, and think a lot with this airy, mutable position of the Moon.
They generally dislike housework, but are big on home improvement. Re-organising their homes in little--and sometimes big--ways seems to keep them happy, as Lunar Geminis are easily bored by both routine and constancy. Often, this is a reflection of their inner world [or my ADHD]--"the grass is always greener..." applies here. Inwardly, Lunar Geminis are often unsettled. Moon in Gemini parents are generally more adept at handling the intellectual needs of their children that emotional ones. Others' complicated emotions, in general, can be difficult for Lunar Geminis to handle [truth]. In their families, Lunar Geminis often take on the role of organising get-togethers. They are at their best when they have plenty of things to do beyond routine. Moon in Gemini people almost always have a way with words. They are clever and witty [I can be], and more often than not can be found chatting with others [if I know them]. They are sociable and friendly, and feel comfortable in crowds [NO!]. Some pay too much attention to what everyone else is doing and lose touch with what they really want to do. Generally, Lunar Geminis have a million and one projects going [make that a billion and one]. They are impressionable folk, and their imagination is boundless [usually].
Their openness to new ideas is admirable, although decisiveness and persistence take a blow as a result. Still, versatility and adaptability are some of the stronger traits of the position of the Moon. When irritable, they can easily become snappy. Their moodiness is complicated--this is not the same kid of moodiness you'll find with water sign moons, for example. Usually difficult behaviour stems from inner restlessness. Lunar Geminis want to do it all, and have trouble sticking to any one project. When problems arise, the first instinct of Moon in Gemini is to talk things out [if I don't, it's because I've experienced irrational feedback previously]. Their tendency to analyse can give them the appearance of emotional detachment [Yes.] In fact, Lunar Geminis may be especially comfortable talking about their feelings, but feeling their own feelings doesn't come as easily. Those [who] don't take time out to really emote and understand their own needs may end up baffling others. Feeling misunderstood is common for Moon in Gemini natives.
[this next stood out, it's me to a T] Potential issues: lack of follow-up of idea, indecision, may go back on decisions.
There's more very apropos stuff regarding the Moon in the fourth house and something about a sextile between the Moon and Mercury, but this is long enough. Hope I didn't bore you too much.
Cheers!
