Clearing the way.

 

24 SEP 2024

 

Who knew I’d still be here and using modern tech to write in what’s known as a “blog”? That I’ve made friends around the world via “social media,” or can talk long distance via my car? Or, if I wanted to, and I don’t, have a washer and dryer I can control with my cell phone? (I genuinely see no purpose or advantage.)

 When I think about my grandparents living from the horse and buggy days, with no indoor plumbing or electricity to men walking on the moon, or my mother having lived with neither of the above to using a computer, it blows my mind (for lack of a better expression).

Sketchy sentences, to be sure, but I think my intent is to bridge the gap, as it were, between what was and what is, even what will be. I got to thinking about all this as I’m trying to weed all the excess books out of my house and the hardest thing to get rid of are my dad’s old uni textbooks. I can’t, I simply cannot. Many of my mother’s books? No problem. But somehow the ones Daddy used at Trinity U I just can’t part with.

At one point, seven years ago, when Mother died, I said (quite foolishly, knowing better), I’m going to read ALL THE BOOKS, because I had just inherited a bunch of hers and they all looked interesting.

***station break for insane laughter***

Of course, some of those I kept because they seemed interesting about language or were good reference books, but I’ve had to face the hard reality I will never read all those interesting books about language and I can literally look up anything on the internet and it will be up to date, unlike some book on grammatical standards written in 1945.

So what makes me hang on to the now very outdated textbooks?  Sentimentality, plain and simple.

As a corollary, there is so much CRAP in this house and I’m 72 years old, I seriously need to employ Margareta Magnusson’s ‘gentle art of Swedish death cleaning, because no one needs to be saddled with all my junk.

Cheers, y’all.

America has lost its goddamned mind

 30% of Americans still back that complete conman, criminal, and just generally despicable man who somehow or other became president before Joe Biden. 

Seriously, I just do not get it. And to top it off the Republicans in Congress are still stirring the shit pot trying to find something, anything, to hang on Biden to impeach him. They're like a bunch of middle-schoolers, they can't stand it that their golden, or rather orange boy is actually being held accountable for crimes and sedition, so instead of doing their fucking jobs, they're playing "take that!" Except they can't find anything. Gee, I wonder why not. I'm not under any illusions here, I know Joe is no angel, but he's far too savvy to do anything that's going to get him squarely in the sights of the rabid right. 

So. Iowa. With the choices being aforementioned criminal, a Fascist, a bigoted bimbo, and as Trae Crowder put it "a brown man," plus a handful of wishful thinkers, they overwhelmingly chose the criminal, the man who tried to overthrow the government. Smooth move, dudes. It's actually scary that the Grand Old Party, or as I like to call them the Great Obstructionist Party, cannot field one single sane, viable candidate. The only choices are just laughable. Of course anyone with any kind of morality is right out for them, RINOs they're called.

The Democrats have a lot more good choices, but the majority of Americans won't go for them. The gay transportation secretary, the aging Socialist, the current VP (not a huge fan of her being prez, to be honest, but more research is needed), and I'm sure there are others, but no one high-profile enough to challenge the incumbent. 

One of the other problems is the Democratic Party itself. Apparently they are unable to hire a competent ad agency: they fail spectacularly to spin the good things this administration has accomplished. It brings to mind that blond idiot from Georgia reading off all the supposed bad things, and it's actually a list of very good things. Makes me cackle every time. 

There are a few things I really wish this Congress would do: censure Israel and tell them to stop being bullies. I'm by no means an anti-Semite, but the Israeli government has always treated Palestinians like a biblical plague of pests that just needs to be eradicated. I do not in any way condone what Hamas did, but the retaliation has gone far beyond any punitive action and is now in the genocide territory. You'd think they'd understand that, given their history. 

Next, Congress needs to pay back all the funds filched from Social Security since the Reagan administration. Instead of constantly saying it has to be reduced or eliminated because it's a draw on the deficit, PAY BACK THE TRILLIONS STOLEN! The Republicans (and Clinton apparently) have used the fund like their own personal piggy bank for things like funding the (unnecessary) Iraq war. We really don't need another super duper fighter jet, just pay back the money already and the fund will be fine for a loooong time. 

There are many things they need to turn their attention to besides one-upping each other in the payback game, but this one is also a biggie: Codify bodily autonomy for all. The anti-abortion thing has never, ever been about the babies. How do I know? Because if you look at the voting record of Republicans across the country when it comes to anything that would help children, they vote against it. You'd think they don't know babies become children. They don't give a rat's ass about babies. It's just one more way they can control women. Oh, they've convinced the Jesus crowd that it's about the babies, but we all know how gullible that lot is.

Well, that's enough to bring the trolls out. If you comment, be nice.

Lord of the Flies: relatable.

 

Lord of the Flies (contains spoilers)

 

Having just read Lord of the Flies and something Golding himself said about it, I fully understand why right-wingers feel threatened by it and have banned it in certain places.

“The theme is an attempt to trace the defects of society back to the defects of human nature. The moral is that the shape of a society must depend on the ethical nature of the individual and not on any political system however apparently logical or respectable. The whole book is symbolic in nature except the rescue in the end where adult life appears, dignified and capable, but in reality enmeshed in the same evil as the symbolic life of the children on the island…”

They will, of course, claim that it’s because of the violence toward children and the graphic descriptions of the victims. But in reality, I believe they know their behavior is unethical and damaging to others, but power is the objective and the willingness to commit murder is excusable in the pursuit of power. 

There’s so much symbolism in Lord of the Flies and I’m quite sure many people have written, ad nauseum, about it. One of the most intriguing events is the self-destruction created when Jack pursues Ralph and ends up setting the island ablaze, guaranteeing the rescue of his perceived enemy and the littluns, and ending his own and the savages chances of going home. I believe—and I could be wrong—that Golding was thinking of the recently ended world war when he wrote the novel. Although the story takes place after the end of World War II, the rise to power of Jack reminds us of Hitler: the hunter providing meat, the ruler fixing the economy; the incitement of violence against those deemed “lesser,” the genocide committed against “undesirables.” The parallels are obvious.

There are relatable, archetypal parallels that can be applied to almost any human interaction or time in history. I've read posts on “Nextdoor” about break-ins, thefts, encounters with the unhoused, porch pirates, and mail thieves. The comments invariably contain some version of “get a gun, protect yourself” and “I have a [gun of choice], I’d like them to try that with me.”  Always threats of violence to obtain power over your adversary. The comments also contain condemnation of the current city government, the police, the system. Anyone offering actual helpful advice is often scorned. 

On a much broader scale, I’m seeing Jack as Donald Trump: not fit to lead; arrogant; corrupt; cult-inducing; inciting violence—even murder—in the pursuit of power; not morally ethical in any way. And Ralph is Joe Biden: while certainly not perfect, is intelligent; compassionate; willing to take advice from those more knowledgeable; sometimes a little confused, but ethically moral, a leader, trying to do the right thing in the face of the cultists spreading lies and doing their damnedest to derail anything designed to actually help people. To help everyone, the way Ralph was trying to keep the fire going so they had a chance at being rescued.

What gives me hope, in light of this archetype, is that the morally bankrupt, like Jack, usually end up lighting their own funeral pyres.

More Randomness

 I keep starting these grandiose posts and never finishing them. I think I have more success when I just write. 

Writing. Writing is a problem for me at the moment. I can't seem to do it. I have friends who say they love my writing, and that's all well and good, but they're talking about writing that's now years old. I had a blog for a fictional character and for a while it was witty and poignant, filled with stark realities and some "creative licence." I have a novel that's about one-fourth to one-third written. Again, friends who have read it say it's very good and offered some suggestions. Stalled. I simply cannot muster up the interest to write let alone the words. They aren't there. As a corollary, I can't get into reading a book either. 

This, of course, has happened to me before, periods--years--of time when I didn't work on the novel or read. And, if I'm honest, it happens with a lot of my interests. Sewing, painting, working on my house.* On the one hand, these gaps in creativity tend to parallel periods of extreme depression. 

I'm not going to dwell on the depression, lots of people have it, to one degree or another. I've had it all my life. True it's exacerbated by events. for instance, my beloved dog, Abby, had to be put down this past August and I feel it's had a profound effect on my resident depression. The only joy I find is working in my garden, my friends, and my cats. 

Abby

One of my cats has kidney disease (he's either 17 or 15, depending on whom you believe about his age when adopted. He's very special to me, my buddy, and knowing he's ill and rather old is, I'm sure, also having an effect on my state of mind. 

The state of affairs in the world, particularly the US, is hugely worrying. The bright spot has been electing a Democratic president and gaining majorities in the House and Senate (only by a whisker in the Senate, and then only because the VP is a Democrat). 

Ben, in healthier days

This COVID thing has not helped at all. Just the weirdness of it all, masking, mass vaccinations (except RWNJs), lock-downs, empty streets, is enough to jar the senses. And, speaking of those RWNJs, it's become apparent they are the problem in getting past the pandemic: refusing to be vaccinated. Selfish, idiotic, and mean-spirited, but what else is new when it comes to the "right"? Pretty much sums them up in a nutshell.

But, back to the inability to write. I can hear you say, but, Dances, you ARE writing, right now. Yes, that's true, but it's not my fiction, it's fact. Fact I seem to have no issue with. Has the current state of affairs (all-inclusive) become such a curb to my creativity? Or was it never there to begin with? A mere flash in the pan?

One thing I do know is I need to spend far less time online, less time watching YouTube. I've already cut 98% of Facebook out. I only go there to post things I'm getting rid of on my neighbourhood "Buy Nothing" page and to see what some of my friends are up to, since they all seem to use FB just as much as ever, my brother, his girlfriend included, and my pastor included. I used to check Instagram two-three times a day, now I go days without looking and don't even check everything at that.(I seriously need to go in and pare my follows down so I will see only the posts I really want to).

Another thing that I think has impacted my writing is RPing that fictional character and his friends on Twitter DMs. The person I RP with is one of my best friends and I absolutely adore her, but somehow the energy to write seems to be exhausted in RPing, if that makes any sense. I don't want to stop though, as it's quite fun. 

I keep getting flashes of ideas by watching certain shows on YT, the Agatha Christie shows on BritTV and "Time Team."  I really should stop and make notes as those ideas come to me; they might just spark something in the novel.

As for reading, I think a large part of it is that I don't have a comfortable place to sit and read since I basically turned my study into a storage room. It all started with getting the bathtub replaced and replumbed. A process that's now been going on for close to seven months. That's a whole other story in and of itself. **sighs** 

Anyhoodles, enough kvetching, time to do something, anything, even if it's wrong. 

-----------------------------------

* I don't put much store in astrology, but sometimes, certain things are spot on. Last year I went on this site and created a natal chart for myself, more out of curiosity than anything. Apparently my moon is in Gemini. This is what it said, the parts that are very true for me I've put in bold italics:

Lunar Geminis are usually pleasant, witty, and charming people. At home and with family, however, they can be moody and irritable [not sure about any of that, but read on]. People with Moon in Gemini are always interesting people--they have a finger in every pie, are curious to a fault [!!], and are generally well-informed. Nervousness and worry are common traits with this lunar position. An underlying restlessness is common, and many Lunar Geminis need more stimulation than others. They usually read a lot, talk a lot, and think a lot with this airy, mutable position of the Moon. 

They generally dislike housework, but are big on home improvement. Re-organising their homes in little--and sometimes big--ways seems to keep them happy, as Lunar Geminis are easily bored by both routine and constancy. Often, this is a reflection of their inner world [or my ADHD]--"the grass is always greener..." applies here. Inwardly, Lunar Geminis are often unsettled. Moon in Gemini parents are generally more adept at handling the intellectual needs of their children that emotional ones. Others' complicated emotions, in general, can be difficult for Lunar Geminis to handle [truth]. In their families, Lunar Geminis often take on the role of organising get-togethers. They are at their best when they have plenty of things to do beyond routine. Moon in Gemini people almost always have a way with words. They are clever and witty [I can be], and more often than not can be found chatting with others [if I know them]. They are sociable and friendly, and feel comfortable in crowds [NO!]. Some pay too much attention to what everyone else is doing and lose touch with what they really want to do. Generally, Lunar Geminis have a million and one projects going [make that a billion and one]. They are impressionable folk, and their imagination is boundless [usually].

Their openness to new ideas is admirable, although decisiveness and persistence take a blow as a result. Still, versatility and adaptability are some of the stronger traits of the position of the Moon. When irritable, they can easily become snappy. Their moodiness is complicated--this is not the same kid of moodiness you'll find with water sign moons, for example. Usually difficult behaviour stems from inner restlessness. Lunar Geminis want to do it all, and have trouble sticking to any one project. When problems arise, the first instinct of Moon in Gemini is to talk things out [if I don't, it's because I've experienced irrational feedback previously]. Their tendency to analyse can give them the appearance of emotional detachment [Yes.] In fact, Lunar Geminis may be especially comfortable talking about their feelings, but feeling their own feelings doesn't come as easily. Those [who] don't take time out to really emote and understand their own needs may end up baffling others. Feeling misunderstood is common for Moon in Gemini natives. 

[this next stood out, it's me to a T] Potential issues: lack of follow-up of idea, indecision, may go back on decisions. 

There's more very apropos stuff regarding the Moon in the fourth house and something about a sextile between the Moon and Mercury, but this is long enough. Hope I didn't bore you too much. 

Cheers!

Randomness

I have no idea where this post will go; not sure I even care. IF anyone reads this, I don't want sympathy. I'm not even sure I want or need help. This is a hole I have to dig myself out of. 

Over all,  the impositions placed on us by COVID-19 have not affected me that much. My husband has his job, he's able to work from home, I'm retired and actually making more money than I did when I worked. Odd that. The biggest things I miss are petty, like, I'd love to be able to pick my own produce or wander through IKEA for 2-3 hours, or Michael's. The biggest things I miss are Thursday night writing/coffee dates with my bestie and going to church with her. 

But the state of the world--this country in particular--is wearing me down. The euphoria over President Biden's inauguration gave way to inertia, and now to downright depression. The right-wing idiots are still out there, Congress is full of traitors (I'm looking at you Cruz, Hawley, Boebert, McCarthy, and Greene, among others--you're a disgrace to our flag and all it stands for), and even Democrats can't seem to get their act together.

People are going hungry and homeless, debts are piling up, the virus is killing people faster than Pol Pot and yet our elected officials, our so-called representation in government can't get their heads out of their asses long enough to give a single, solitary fuck about the people who put them there. At least Pres. Biden is trying. 

So I get to the point where I'm making plans, filling out my PowerSheets with goals I know I probably won't even complete 10% of (sorry for the hanging preposition there), because I can't even get up the give-a-fuck to go clean my poor cats' litter boxes. I did actually start on the laundry. Wooo. 

It's a beautiful day, I should be out working in my garden--or what's supposed to become my garden--but instead I grab cheese, crackers, and a diet soda and eat, again, and then sit here and cry for no reason at all. I have plenty of things that will trigger a sobfest, my dog, pets in the past, my parents, etc. But I'm sitting here and periodically crying, reminding myself that at nearly 69 I'm a complete and utter failure. My kids are good, hard working people, so I have that at least. 

I just felt I had to write about this, and not in my journal, and not on FB (heaven help me lol), I have no idea, other than a couple of people, who reads this, and it doesn't matter at this point.  Does that seem odd? It's private, but I don't want to keep it private, I want it to be roughly anonymous. Like sending those radio signals out into the void of space and wondering if anyone cares....

10 November 2020, Tuesday

 For some weird reason I keep thinking today is Monday. Maybe it’s a latent desire to slow time down, who knows?

Best thing I’ve seen today: https://www.instyle.com/celebrity/jason-momoa-dune-interview-2020

My jam lately: Hamilton soundtrack

Watching: The Mandolorian, Agents of Shield, Love Actually, random Fast and Furious flicks

(can we say ‘escapism’??) 

Youtubers: Beau of the Fifth Column, Elewys of Finchingefeld, Mango Mosaics, Trae Crowder, Kathryn Morgan

Irritation this week: right-wingers who threaten violence because their rotten pumpkin didn’t win and seem to forget what they said four years ago. Now what was it? Oh...yeah... ”you lost, get over it.”

Reading:

• The Negative Trait Thesaurus: A Writer’s GT Character Flaws, Angela Ackerman & Becca Puglisi, JADD Publishing, 2013;
• Creating Character Arcs: the Masterful Author’s GT Uniting Story Structure, Plot, and Character Development, K.M. Weiland, PenForASword Publishing;
• The Undiscovered Self with Symbols and the Interpretation of Dreams: Volumes 10, 18 from The Collected Works of C.G. Jung, Princeton University Press, 1990.

The following excerpt really hit home in the wake of the election and all the bullshit with trump (FYI, I refuse to call him ‘president’ as he’s been the antithesis of presidential, nor will I grace him with a capital letter. Sorry, not sorry).*

Written in 1958, thirteen years after the atom bombs were dropped on Japan and the Cold War was no laughing matter (I remember bomb drills).

“...if the spiritual and moral darkness of State absolutism should spread over Europe?

 

“We have no reason to take this threat lightly. Everywhere in the West there are subversive minorities who, sheltered by our humanitarianism and our sense of justice, hold the incendiary torches ready, with nothing to stop the spread of their ideas except the critical reason of a single, fairly intelligent, mentally stable stratum of the population. One should not overestimate the thickness of this stratum. It varies from country to country in accordance with national temperament. Also, it is regionally dependent on public education and is subject to the influence of acutely disturbing factors of a political and economic nature. Taking plebiscites as a criterion, one could on an optimistic estimate put its upper limit at about forty per cent [sic] of the electorate. A rather more pessimistic view would not be unjustified either, since the gift of reason and critical reflection is not one of man’s outstanding peculiarities, and even where it exists it proves to be wavering and inconstant, the more so, as a rule, the bigger the political groups are. The mass crushes out the insight and reflection that are still possible with the individual, and this necessarily leads to doctrinaire and authoritarian tyranny if ever the constitutional State should succumb to a fit of weakness.”

So, yes, that sounds eerily like what’s going on in this country at the moment. Just to recap, in the wake of Joe Biden and Kamala Harris winning the 2020 election, here are a few of the things that have happened:

·         Celebrations the world over for Biden winning: the Freedom Bell in Berlin rings, the bell all over Paris ring, fireworks in London and other English cities, parades and dancing in the streets, and not just in the US! Hope returns, except...

·         The Republicans are refusing to accept the results, claiming widespread ‘fraud,’ (I leave it to you to google—or whatever the search default is in your time and place—the background of Covid-19 and mail-in ballots);

·         AG Barr (a fucking dick if ever there was one) has stuck his nose in and said the Department of Justice is cleared to investigate;

·         Secretary of State Pompeo (speaking of dicks) has caused some alarm;

·         An old friend (someone I unfriended on FB long ago because of disgusting things he said about President Obama and his family) has completely lost the plot and threatened to kill anyone who voted for Biden, including another old friend, possibly spurred on by this guy

The world turned upside down... (at 3:12)

I guess the thing that astounds me is the number of people who piss on the Constitution and claim to be patriots. Shooting someone because they voted for someone other than your candidate is not patriotism, it’s terrorism. Disregarding your oath to protect and defend the Constitution is not patriotism, it’s treason.

I’m no Jim Wright; I’m quite sure his work much more insightful and absolutely better researched (the man is unreal), but I think we’re on the same page, although I could be wrong, since I haven’t read his stuff in a while, but generally I’ve agreed with him on everything else.

Some additional meat to chew: Former DHS chiefs are warning of a threat to national security

We lost Abby back in August, long story, but the short of it is, after  enduring and amputation and 2-3 months of chemo, she had what can best be described as a neurological event, possibly a stroke, and had to be euthanised. It was like a chunk of my heart was ripped out. I still burst into tears thinking about her.

In other, less dire news, I got two new kittens last week (bringing the household cat total to 5). Arlo and Piper (originally Silas and Rita [??]) are six months old. They were found in the engine block of a car at 2 ½-3 weeks. They and their feral mama were rescued and fostered by a really nice woman out east of here. She is keeping the mama, named her Tabitha. That makes ten cats she has, in addition to two horses, a burro, two geese, several chickens, beehives, and a partridge in a pear tree....no, not really, no partridge, no pear tree. Arlo, the black male, and Piper the grey tabby female are a bonded pair. Originally I just wanted a black cat, but took her, too.

There are a couple of projects I’ve actually completed (isn’t that the 7^th sign of the apocalypse?) and I’m going to try to post about them, but don’t hold your breath, you know my track record.

 

*I got a new computer—first tower in forever, after a series of laptops—and a ‘mechanical’ keyboard, which I’m loving, but I had to stop and order an under-desk keyboard drawer because the difference is killing my wrists.